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Archive for the ‘feelings and thoughts’ Category

A Thanksgiving message: Gratitude can go a long way…

Thursday, November 26th, 2015

In fact, a blowjob can have an affect on the whole universe!

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Sounds preposterous? Giving gratitude can go a long way and no good deed goes unnoticed. This article is for people that have been in a committed relationship for a fair amount of time. For those in a new romance, and I mean less than 3 years or so, this may not even apply to you and if what I speak of rings true to you then you had better take notes.

Everyone out there knows you take the ones you love for granted. Blah blah blah. Everyday niceties like “thank you” and “oh honey, that was so kind of you” somehow get lost in translation during your journey through life together. You start to expect it when they do things for you since inside what you are really thinking to yourself is “oh I do WAY more for them than they ever do for me”. Sound familiar? That is the killer right there because that way of perceiving your relationship is not only dangerous, it is wholly destructive.

So let’s begin our lesson with gratitude. And what is so fabulous about gratitude is that you actually get more from expressing gratitude then those who are on the receiving end. There in lies the magic, that wonderful enlightened magic where the better person you are to your spouse the better person you become which leads to you falling more in love with yourself which is the key to a successful relationship with your spouse.

So set aside those old tired feelings of being unappreciative and bitter and look at your spouse with new eyes. Try to see them how their co-workers or friends may. Focus on what your partner does well and think of all the kind things they do for you on a daily basis. Hell, I have a few friends that would be thankful if their spouse just had a job, let alone you sitting there taking them for granted when they put in a 60+ hour work week. Believe me I am writing this for myself as much as I am for you. I have become a bitter and unhappy woman to come home to at times and this did not affect my husband as much as it did me. I started to see myself as unhappy and so unhappy things began to occur. Once I began to shift my perspective to being happy and finding the joy and gratitude in just the littlest things, I didn’t lose myself or my standards even though my ugly ego was telling me that, but I actually found my true self.

Now let’s go one step further. When was the last time you showed your partner gratitude with sex? While researching my article I found all these ways to show gratitude to your partner by saying thank you and giving them back scratches and leaving them little notes -FUCK THAT! My husband would feel so much more appreciated with a blow job then a note on his computer, even better, putting a note on his computer to come back to bed and I’ll give him a quick blow job before going to work would be the perfect way to show him gratitude.

There are even studies that prove that showing gratitude makes you sexier. And I so believe it. When I feel grateful and express it to my partner I get all warm and fuzzy inside. I almost start to glow. I feel lighter and brighter. I’m sure this translates as being more attractive and more approachable. So showing your gratitude with sex is just one step above, giving your partner the best sex is going to enhance your mind, body and soul. Being grateful and giving it to them just the way they like it will most definitely give you the orgasm of your dreams as well.

So show a little love, or better yet, a lotta love and really give it to your mate. Don’t do some boring sensual and tender love making nonsense, really fuck them good. Let them know that they are THE most important person in your life and that their happiness is your happiness and lucky for you, that is indeed the case. Gratitude is viral. Once you start showing it and feeling it the ones you love tend to catch the condition too. Think of this as a holistic approach to your love life, you give your partner great sex to show them your gratitude, you feel happy, they feel loved, they in turn are kind to the other people in their life, and from there the energy flows like a wave. Your blow job can inexplicitly make somebody else’s day that you don’t even know, powerful stuff so don’t hesitate to make the world a better place even if you have to give some oral in order to get it done.

Happy Veteran’s Day!

Wednesday, November 11th, 2015

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I like this new Walmart campaign to “green light” our vets. I found out it isn’t just about a green light to show your respect for our veterans but to bring awareness to the struggles they face once coming home. So I did some research and found this: “A veteran can sit for an average of twenty-two weeks in unemployment between their last military paycheck and a new job”. It seems a shame to have these talented and trained individuals unemployed for any length of time. Plus, as we all know, there are so many that come home with PTSD. I am still a monthly contributor to Pets for Vets www.petsforvets.com which enables those individuals finding it difficult to “fit” back into society a gentle and loving way to cope and enable them to have a new career. So love all around for our Vets!

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I really can get behind this campaign and I myself would love to hire a vet.

Mountains or Mole hills?

Tuesday, October 27th, 2015

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I chose this title because looking back at the last month or so a lot of problems I imagined as difficult mountains really have turned out to be nothing at all and all the daunting tasks became fun challenges that I actually enjoyed doing.

So with that said let me catch you up on things. Last I wrote I had just gotten back from my birthday trip to Rancho Santa Fe. Soon after we got home we had a major leak from the 2nd floor down to the basement. This is the 2nd time this has happened and we thought it was fixed. I called out the plumber and after putting two holes right where I just repaired it from last time, alas they found no leak. Come to find out, the last model that we shot somehow left the shower door open and had the shower head pointed outside the shower and got the floor all wet enough to soak down 2 floors! Again, thought it was a huge mountain, nah just a mole hill that cost me $500 to repair.

Ryan and I had our annual trip planned to June Lake to shoot some content for my site and get out into the great outdoors. Right before going I decided to re-do my wood deck by the pool. Well there ended up being a few hick-ups in the process and it cost more than originally planned and took much longer to do and then all of a sudden our pool began to lose inches of water a day. We ended up having a major leak in one of the pipes under the newly done deck but it wasn’t construction related, just random. Everything got fixed and the mountain-like problem ended up being nothing but a busted pipe that luckily we could get to without destroying all the work done.

I have avoided a few other tragedies as well this past month. I also learned a good lesson from them all: Not all things are as they appear and if you keep level headed and positive the solutions come to you with ease.

So now I am taking on a badly needed roof repair, new windows in the master bedroom, and some long overdue landscaping. I just signed a contract for new Internet which is no easy task when your house has absolutely no cable or fiber going to it. All of it has to be brought in by telephone pole. But after long negotiations with the City and with Time Warner I refuse to pay $96,000 for coax cable to be put in the road and instead worked out a deal with AT&T for 5 times the bandwidth I was getting before for less than what I was paying and I’ll have no construction costs or headaches. Wheh!

So enough with my boring life. Let’s get back to what I enjoy doing most which is entertaining my fans. I did shoot a few scenes up in the mountains as well as some photo/video shoots when I was in Rancho. I also updated a shoot I did with Julia Ann that I wanted to share with the members of kellymadison.com, she was my first porn girl crush. I really love her. She is a good person inside and beautiful in every way.

Here a few photos from it all:

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I have also written a few more articles for Level Magazine that I wish to share with you. I’ll post them in the coming days. Take care and remember, what you focus on, you create. Focus on the problems and not the solutions and the problems just gets worse.
Namaste!

And life goes on

Sunday, June 28th, 2015

On a much happier and life inspiring note, my dear friend Kristy published her first edition of her magazine, LEVEL ONE which came out a few weeks ago in Bend, Oregon. I am honored to be a contributing writer. Kristy is an author, blogger, public speaker and radio show host. Her blog, “The Top Ten Rules to Marriage” went viral in 2013, which subsequently landed her very first book deal, and a radio show, which reaches from San Francisco to Dallas, Texas every Thursday evening. She has roughly 100,000 collective social media followers and is one of the most successful relationship bloggers on the web with over 5 million readers in the past 3 years. She is also the creator of Echo Smedia, a social media networking and consulting firm in Bend and has taken her writing skills to the magazine publishing world. She has already begun efforts to produce her magazine around the country. Not to be typecast, but I am a writer for the her sex and relationships section.

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I was so happy when she asked me. So the first month is out and so far she tells me I’ve been getting good reviews. IF you care to read my “advice”, here it is:

I always find it an honor and quite frankly, it takes me aback when someone asks me for my advice. Even after 15 years in the “Sex Industry” I still don’t consider myself an expert, well experienced maybe, I’ll give myself that, but I suppose I do have an insight from my own dealings with my husband that I can share with others in case, in some crazy way, my limited knowledge may help them.

So let’s get sexting, I mean started, I mean writing! I was asked a question by a fan who admitted she hasn’t had sex with her husband in over 5 years and to paraphrase, feels that it would now be awkward and seeks advice on how to get their sex life back on track. She wants knowledge on how to make him want her again.

To tackle this is to approach the situation on a much deeper, personal level I have only one question:

1. Are you attracted to you?

Sounds strange to ask it but I feel all sexuality from how you feel to how you come off to others is all about yourself and that private relationship you have with the most important person in your life – yourself. When I “feel fat” or unattractive or tired or lazy the last thing on my mind is “ooh, I want to fuck”. Now let me address the “feel fat” comment. That has nothing to do with being some fairy tale perfect size. That is an over-used term used by skinny people to define their lack of self worth. So I know a lot of truly fat people that love their body and get way more action then I ever did. I’ll continue.

So are you attracted to you? Do you put on your clothes or walk by a mirror and go, “damn I’d hit that”? If you can’t answer that with a simple yes, then it is time to start working on your own self worth and your own sexual relationship with you before hopping into bed with anyone, especially your husband. Other people aren’t supposed to make you feel sexy, you feel sexy and then that sexual energy exudes from within. When that happens, you have to swat ‘em off like flies. So let’s work on getting sexy.

2. Be comfortable in your own skin.

Let’s start with how to feel sexy again naked. I for one can’t ignore my body and not take care of it and then demand of it to work properly in bed. Again, regardless of size, exercising the body really does stabilize the hormones needed for proper sexual arousal and just being in touch with your physical self enables you to connect with another person’s physical self. Do some stretching, take a walk, just get the blood flowing and the hormones working properly. If you are already an avid exerciser, that too could be a detriment to your libido. Yes, actually over exercising can cause your hormones to be out of whack and turn off your sexual desires. A lot of runners experience this so find your balance. And no one thing works for all people. Listen to your body and know what you are capable of. Don’t set your self up for failure and tell yourself that you are going to go to the gym for an hour a day every week if you haven’t worked out in a few years. You will only hate yourself more. And I don’t know anyone that hate fucks themselves.

3. Look the part.

Wear clothes that make you feel sexy. Now if you have gotten into a bad habit of comfort only, STOP IT. You can be sexy and comfortable but just putting that little extra effort into how you look each day, especially around your mate, makes you feel sexier. Grooming is also important, make yourself ready for sex. Shaving, bathing, grooming, it all sets the mood in your subconscious that “hey baby, I’m ready anytime you are”.

4. Get in touch with what turns you on.

Read a sexy novel, watch a sexy movie. Get your mind and soul ready for sex. What you focus on, you create. A great friend taught me that : ) so let’s focus on what you are thinking about. DO NOT approach the situation that he isn’t attracted to you. If you were to be really honest, can you answer my first question yes? So don’t come from this position of less than. Instead, tackle it as “I am responsible for how I feel sexually and for what my sex life has become”. Feeling victimized just prolongs the agony, trust me, I know. I have tried to blame it on my husband in the past and it got me nowhere. I was the one guilty of sending off bad vibes because I wasn’t attracted to myself. So get attracted to yourself. Masturbate, get yourself off, dress a little sexier, walk a little taller, be approachable. And if you have the balls for it, ask for it. Yes, ask your partner for sex. Or better yet, offer a hand job. No real fear of rejection there, most men will take a hand job offer readily. Be ready with some lubricant and just tell him you want to try out something you read on an online magazine. Show him you are ready for a sexual relationship again and consider the hand job a peace offering, a willingness to start that part of your relationship up again, but don’t do this until you are centered with yourself.

If you work on making yourself sexy, in your mind, body and soul then what you will create is a happy person who is ready to share their self with another. That is what is really important. If your husband doesn’t respond to the new and improved sexual you and you are truly honest with yourself that it isn’t coming from your own insecurities then it is time to seek some outside professional help. But do your homework first.

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Saying Goodbye again and too soon…

Sunday, June 28th, 2015

As I was busily planning my sister’s memorial, Ryan’s cousin’s husband and father of 3 beautiful children fell and hit is head and went into a coma and never came out. This all happened a few weeks ago. It was difficult for either of us to handle, we visited him in the hospital and had to witness our family in so much pain that I couldn’t find the words to write about it in my blog. One thing I know for sure, he was loved. Craig Diamond had more friends than anyone I know. The entire community of Long Beach came together for him as well as his friends in Seal Beach that did a charity auction for his wife and children this past week. The funeral was on Friday and the church wasn’t big enough to fit all who attended. So many people donated their time, their money, their energy to put the various events together. Craig’s death was so sudden and tragic, he was only 41, the only provider for his family, and just about the nicest, most helpful guy you could ever meet. I’ll miss his big smile, his deep voice, his quietly confident demeanor, and his beautiful way of not judging anyone.

Craig left behind his wife who was a stay at home mother and his three beautiful children. Everyone has come together to help out the family not only with their love and support but financially. Here is a link to one of the fundraising efforts for the Diamond Family.

Saying Goodbye & Saying Hello

Saturday, June 27th, 2015

Exactly a week ago we celebrated my sister Cheryl’s life and dispersed her ashes into the ocean. I began to plan her memorial several months ago but then I had brushed it aside, not wanting to explore those feelings I suppose and not wanting the finalization that her death was permanent. I hope that makes sense to those that have experienced similar feelings when it comes to losing a loved one, it is not quite denial, yet nowhere near acceptance. Kind of a dull sad cloud that follows you around. The one shining aspect of the entire memorial was that all of us “caregivers” were going to be together for our final goodbye to Cheryl. I rented a beautiful home in Seal Beach and the sisters all stayed there and our dear friend Jim and Derick stayed at a nearby hotel but were with us on Friday evening and all day Saturday. Everyone traveled from far away such as New York, Boise, and Las Vegas yet for me it was a small venture but I packed up my truck and Escalade full of things for the memorial, beach cruisers, food and drinks, and lots of booze. It really looked as if we were moving in for good with all the crap I brought. Oh well, at least no one was without and that is the way Cheryl would have wanted it.

We had a lovely day with only minor hiccups in my plans, but it went smoothly, there was much music and laughter and love. Derick sang for us and if you have ever had the pleasure of having a professional opera singer perform for you in a small space, then you know how powerful and marvelous that experience can be. It brought tears to my eyes each time he sang. My sisters couldn’t have been more loving or more accommodating, each one bringing a different aspect to Cheryl’s life, especially our so-called little sister Traci who was actually Cheryl’s best friend and we sort of adopted her. Jimmy, Cheryl’s best friend growing up was there as well, so again a sort of brother to me and Judi and his presence was like coming home, as he so aptly put it. We all got along beautifully and it was worth all the effort. Cheryl brought us all together and her energy lives on in each of us, drawing us ever closer and for that gift I am forever grateful.

Flash from the Past

Friday, May 29th, 2015

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I was going through my site looking for some old photos to use for a project and I came across this photo. This was taken on a day when I was shooting with the fabulous Mr. Ed Fox for the cover of Taschen’s “Book of Breasts” by Dian Hansen. I modeled for hours in this exact pose and then again with the bra off. I have no idea how the damn thing stayed on or how I didn’t punch Ed in the gut, oh yeah, I know why, because he is so kind and awesome and a good friend. Well here is the cover re-done in 3D. Thanks to Dian for making it possible for my boobs to be so grandiosely published. She is a good friend as well, I am lucky to have met such wonderful people in my career.

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Happy Memorial Day

Monday, May 25th, 2015

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Thank you to all that serve our country and to those that have fallen. Today isn’t just about a backyard barbecue party with family and friends, even though that is lots of fun to do, but for us to remember those brave individuals in the military that we have lost. My heart goes out to the family members of our fallen soldiers and today is a great day to also remember all those that came home but with disabilities they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives. We can’t ever turn our backs on them and as a nation, we need to support them in any way we can.

I particularly love this charity, www.petsforvets.com, it is close to my heart. In times of despair I have turned to my dogs for that comfort and unconditional love that only a dog can provide. So get out your wallet and donate what you would pay for a 6-pack of beer today. The vets will thank you! I opted for a cheap $10 a month donation since I give to several other charities but every little bit helps, remember the cost of a 6-pack can give someone in need a companion to change their whole world and save a dog from an animal shelter.

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If you care to know…

Sunday, May 17th, 2015

It seems like I’ve been on bit of a PR kick lately. Luckily it isn’t from just my efforts but that of my awesome PR team and websites coming to me asking me to promote myself so for that I am super fortunate. I recently did an interview, I’ve done hundreds through the years, but I quite especially liked these questions, easy to answer, short and to the point. They are for www.Platform18.com. I hope you enjoy them. I added some photos for embellishment. I enjoyed answering them : )

INTERVIEW QUESTIONS:

1. What 3 words do you think best describe you?

Giant Natural Breasts! ha ha

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2. What hidden talents do you have?

I can fit my fist inside my mouth. 

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3. What is your ideal Sunday?

Waking up late after shooting for my site all day and night and rolling over with my makeup still on from the night before, hair tossled and make love tom my husband first thing in the morning. Then taking a long hot shower, throwing on some sweats and walking my dogs, cooking, and watching a movie at home. Perfection.

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4. What would be your favourite meal?

Abalone is my favorite, can’t find it anywhere nowadays but if not abalone then Persian or Greek food, anything Mediterranean. Here is a photo from a little restaurant on the beach on the island of Santorini in Greece.

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And this is a photo from a dinner Ryan and I enjoyed while in Athens, that’s the Acropolis in the background. I just love Greece.

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5. Who would be your 5 ideal dinner party guests?

Barack Obama, Madeline Albright, Bill Clinton, Oprah and the late Nelson Mandela, give me 6 and I’ll throw in the Dali Lama : )

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6. What is your favourite drink on a night out?

I prefer red wine but it makes my teeth purple so I usually go with a nice pinot grigio or a sauvignon blanc. Nothing too fruity.

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7. What pets do you have?

I used to have 3 dogs and a guinea pig and 2 parakeets but their journey here on earth ended so now I am just left with 2 dogs, both adorable rescue puppies that are 1/2 Bassett hound so they are long and stumpy, so cute.

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8. What is your attitude to money – spender or saver?

Saver, totally. Growing up we never had a home of our own so I have sort of over done it with buying several properties and I love stashing away money in my retirement accounts.

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9. What’s the first thing you’d buy if you won $100,000?

Save it, 100k isn’t shit these days, sadly so. Being elderly and poor is something hopefully I will never be. Plus I have family to worry about as well and I feel responsible to take care of their needs.

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10. What is your favourite sports team?

Whomever is playing the team at Super Bowl that my husband is betting on.

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11. What’s your favorite holiday destination?

Going out of town to a football game the weekend of Thanksgiving. So we have turkey on Thursday with the family and then get on a plane early Friday to a city where the home team is playing. We go and become total fans of that home team and go buy all the shirts, hats, etc., even take tours of the stadiums. My husband I do this every year, last year we went to Green Bay, it was awesome.

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12. Where would you most like to live?

Carmel or Monterey , dream house would be on 17 mile drive.

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13. What is your weekly exercise regime?

I walk the dogs every day up and down our steep hill we live on, I also do pilates and elliptical all in my home gym a few times a week if I’m a good girl, I hate going to gyms, won’t do it, can’t make me. Oh yeah, and my oldie but goodie answer, sex and beer!

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14. What’s the best book you’ve read? Well, not the photo of that book but my dear friend Richard Prince’s edition of “Catcher in the Rye”.

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15. What’s the best movie you’ve seen?

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

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16. What gadget could you not live without?

A wine bottle opener. No really, it would be my iMac, I’m in love with that thing.

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17. What’s your favourite website?

Of course it is pornfidelity.com so I can watch my husband fuck really hot girls. That’s a big turn on for me. A close 2nd to that is Amazon. Really that site makes my life as art director of our productions much easier. So Pornfidelity and Prime!

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18. Who is your favourite person to follow on Twitter?

Deepak Chopra

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19. What is your biggest achievement in life?

Creating my own production company with the love of my life.

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20. What is your biggest regret in life?

Not buying Apple stock when it was dirt cheap.

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21. What was the best day of your life?

My wedding day.

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22. What was the worst day of your life?

The day my mother died in 2001. I was not only her daughter but her caretaker and we battled her health issues for many years before losing her. I felt a sense of loss and failure so double whammy.

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23. Who is your hero?

Danni Ashe, she inspired me to do this business 16 years ago. Without her I would have never had a career.

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24. Who are you most jealous of?

Angelina Jolie, who isn’t?

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25. What type of people do you try to avoid?

Prejudiced people, fucking hate them, I mean I really do. Sounds hypocritical but it isn’t. I may be pre-judging them for being prejudiced but come on, if you got to hate someone, hate the haters.

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26. What do you like to do in your free time?

I don’t have a lot of time but I do love to travel almost every other month I try to go somewhere. We  just went to Napa Valley a few weeks ago for our anniversary, so traveling combined with drinking wine is high on my list right now.

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27. What is the best piece of advice you ever received?

What you focus on you create so watch what you focus on. My good friend Kristy taught me that.

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28. What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken?

Quitting my lucrative commercial printing sales job for a punk ass 22 year old kid who wanted to start a porn business withe ZERO experience.

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29. What was the best joke you ever heard?

Funny jokes said aloud are cool but I like visual ones, I love a good political cartoonist or even the silly T Rex jokes, love them, can’t get enough of them. Oh and the dog shaming shit is hysterical, brings me to tears.

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30. Tell us something about you that may surprise us.

I wanted to be doctor, I was a biology major in school until I had to quit to take care of my father with Alzheimer’s at 20. So this day I diagnose all my friends and family and I’m quite good at it. I am looking into alternative healing arts as a future career.

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Life goes on

Sunday, March 29th, 2015

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I have been home a week now since returning from Vegas. I still can’t believe everything that has happened but after licking my wounds this week I have decided the best tribute to my sister is to take care of myself. That was a very difficult thing for her to do and I can hear her in my ear whispering to me to go work out, drink my green drinks, take the dogs for a walk, everything she couldn’t do and can no longer ever do. So today I got my lazy butt on the elliptical, guzzled down some green thick crap Ryan made in the Vitamix, and I’m taking the dogs to the park tonight. It is way too hot to go outside during the day, 85 degrees in March, are you f#@*ing kidding me? I will return to shooting content this coming week, I thought I could last week, but who was I kidding? I got the makeup on and my hair just right and I couldn’t go through with it. It wasn’t as though I was crying, I just had no steam. I’ll have another go at it tomorrow so wish me luck. I mean, come on, a girls gotta work, you know.

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