Archive for the ‘feelings and thoughts’ Category
Sunday, January 15th, 2017
Happy 2017, how is it going so far? Thus far I have returned home from my adventures in Baltimore and Washington DC, taken on many personal and business challenges, I have been shooting a ton of content for my personal site to make up for my down time when I had the cancer removed from my face, and of course, took a day off to celebrate the New Year, uh nope, I actually worked that day too!
2017 has taken off running. We hired new people and we are doing a lot of new and exciting shoots for all 3 of the sites. We are blessed to have the greatest crew and everyone always pulls together and makes it happen. We have been working on new sets, we actually even made a bed on the wall the other day, among other things. Business has been wonderful and this seems to be the perfect time to take on all these new ventures.
In regards to travel, going to Baltimore and DC was invigorating, adventurous and inspiring, especially DC.
I really enjoyed Baltimore and the suite we stayed in had the most amazing views. We got in pretty late on Friday night but just in time to go to a great bar and restaurant and order giant crab legs and do a whiskey tasting and watch a live band. It was freezing cold outside on Saturday but we could stay in our beautiful hotel room and look out on to the bay and enjoy the views of the entire city, order delicious room service and make love and then attended the football game on Sunday, Eagles vs Ravens. It was chilly but a hot pretzel did the trick. This is me sitting in the stadium in the cold waiting for my pretzel and beer.
We woke up on Monday and headed to DC and then attended the Panthers vs Redskins game, did I mention this was Ryan’s 40th Birthday trip and he LOVES football? OK, now that was a outdoor stadium night game that didn’t even begin until 9PM so a cold beer and pretzel wasn’t going to do the trick, hand warmers were the key to keeping warm that night.
This was our first trip to DC and we were both in aye. We toured the Capital, the White House, tried to see as many of the Smithsonian museums as we could, the Holocaust Museum, and walked up and down the Mall sightseeing like crazy and we couldn’t get enough. We want to go back in the Spring because there is so much to do and see and 3 1/2 days just isn’t enough. We stayed at the Hay Adams hotel and we were literally right across the street from the White House. There was a great bar we went to called Off the Record with political cartoons all over the walls. Congress wasn’t in session but you could just feel the vibe of the city and how exciting it must be to live there. Who knows, I have always wanted to do public service, hmmm, porn to politics? I don’t know if even Washington DC could handle my big mouth!
I was happy to be home and nothing says home more than a snuggly sweater in bed so that was my first shoot when I got home. Next I did a lingerie number with a super high waist, sort of my tribute to the 80’s. I also did a little Christmas shopping just in time which turned into a 3-some.
So that’s my end of December and beginning of January update. As I said, this New Year is busier than years prior but I love it. I feel energized and passionate about the future and I hope you do too. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be an easy year but I feel this is a year to reap the rewards of hard work, integrity, compassion and determined stubbornness of the past. So Happy New Year and my wish for you is that this year brings you the warmth of love and illuminates your life path towards a positive direction. My wish also for you and for myself is that the negativity and difficulties in life end and 2017 brings success and desired results.
Sunday, December 25th, 2016
Don’t be a Grinch this year, even if things aren’t going your way or maybe you feel lonely or depressed this Christmas, take the time to reflect on what is good about your life, what you can change to make yourself happier this new year and give yourself the greatest gift you can, to love yourself. Now after visiting my website you might want to “love yourself” in a different kind of way, but on a serious note, really give yourself the gift that no one else can give you, self love and acceptance. That’s a big one for me this year too. So let’s all let our little “Grinch” hearts open up and not only love and care about those around us and those sharing our beautiful and delicate planet, but really be honest with yourself and how you can improve the most important relationship you have, the one you have with yourself.
So Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanzaa and wishing you all the true happiness you can find inside yourself this year.
Love You All!
Sunday, December 11th, 2016
Happy Holidays Everyone! December has been full of surprises so far, and I have been getting some unexpected and unwanted gifts :/
A few weeks ago I had skin cancer removed from my face. I have long stayed out of the sun and the only time I am golden brown now is if I hit the spray tanner machine so I was a bit taken aback when the biopsy came back as Squamous cell carcinoma. I was going to wait until after the holidays to get it removed but the doctor had a last minute opening and I thought no biggie, it is just a little tiny spot on my jaw, how bad can it be? Well I had five stitches and nice big bandage on my face for a week and now I have a long scar and I’m not very thrilled about it. It curtailed my shooting the past few weeks but thank goodness we already had some in the can ready to go.
So with that said, I did some nasty flashing out in public with nothing on but some undies and stockings and a trench coat. Very fun indeed! I received a lot of attention that day. I had guys up on a rooftop doing construction that halted their work to take a gander at my giant breasts, some happy drivers on the road and a guy watering his lawn who took a few snapshots with his phone.
I also did a little sunbathing with the hubby out on the lawn. Sort of ironic that I did this shoot prior to the cancer diagnoses, all my younger years trying to get a “healthy” tan came back to bit me on the…face! Nevertheless, I had fun on a warm November day playing with the hose and that of my husband’s.
We also did a little tag team on the massage table. Ahhh, the beauty of youth and it’s innocence.
This week I brought you a treat from the past and did a little tree trimming with an exotic beauty.
I should be all healed up soon and ready to give you some brand new content to enjoy. But remember, keep your sunscreen on your face and the lube on your hands!
Thursday, November 24th, 2016
It is about giving thanks and what better way to show your appreciation to this nation than to give thanks to the protestors at Standing Rock. They are the Standing Rock Sioux that have been protesting against the construction of the controversial Dakota Pipeline. Thousands of these Native Americans have been fighting a difficult battle trying to save that area from a huge ecological risk. These are peaceful protestors simply trying to protect what is rightfully theirs. Not only will this Pipeline destroy sacred grounds but poses a threat to their ground water.
Our Anglo American ancestors would not have made it alive without the help of Native Americans. We wouldn’t be sitting around our tables enjoying a Turkey feast celebrating Thanksgiving without their assistance in crop production and survival skills.
So I say stand with those that support #NoDAPL and learn more about this issue. Give to the Oceti Sakowin Camp the best you can. In a time when there is so much political turmoil, maybe today you can find a way to believe in the rights of the Americans who do not have a voice at all.
Bless you all and have a beautiful Thanksgiving Holiday. I am always thankful and humbled by your love and support.
Sunday, September 11th, 2016
Do you remember where you were 15 years ago today? I think everyone in the United States does. We all know how we found out, who called us or when we watched the travesty on TV and how we felt. I searched around today to try to find inspiration for myself or something I could share with you and I came across a great article that actually gives suggestions on how to honor the innocent lives we lost on that day.
1. Deliver flowers or just stop by to say thank you to your local fire and police stations. Any form of appreciation would be a great move on this day as firemen and policemen are our local heroes.
2. Take a break for each of the 6 moments of silence to commemorate the events that happened during these times: 8:46 AM, 9:03 AM, 9:37 AM, 9:59 AM, 10:03 AM, 10:28 AM.
3. Check out your city publications to see what community events are being organized, and volunteer to help. If there aren’t any events, organize one! Consider gathering community members at a park to hold the moments of silence together.
4. Join a volunteer service, such as a food drive or neighborhood cleanups. September 11 is also the National Day of Service and Remembrance to encourage Americans to take part in service projects. Visit United We Serve for more information.
5. Donate Blood. In the days following 9/11, blood donations soared. With Americans looking to provide immediate assistance to those injured in the attacks, the country’s blood banks collected 600,000 more units in the fall of 2001 than they would have otherwise.
Today, with the Red Cross’ national blood supply having recently reached a 15 year low, going to a local blood bank and donating is among the most important contributions you can make to your community.
Sunday, July 31st, 2016
Happy Summer Everyone! Wow is it hot where I live. Over 100 degrees is just too much for me, can we say “Boob Sweat” for days?!!! So I took a quick work/vaca down to Huntington Beach with Ryan and the doggies and got away from the blistering hot weather. It was great. We were right across from the beach and our view was awesome, plus it wasn’t too far from Dog Beach and restaurants and shopping were just an elevator down. I really enjoy shooting on location. I don’t have the crew I have when I shoot at home but it just feels more intimate and real when it is just Ryan and myself. So I did a few shoots, got crushed by a big ass wave and I still have water in my left ear, and the highlight was taking the dogs for long walks for sure.
I graduated high school from Huntington Beach High over 30 years ago and some parts of Huntington are so different now. It is so much nicer than it was but there are parts that still have that old beach town charm and kind of grimey. I like it all.
So since my full time preoccupation is trying to stay OUT of the heat and indoors with my AC, thoroughly utilizing my new solar panels, I have been doing a bunch of online tests. I guess I’m trying to figure myself out since I will be turning 49 next month. I found some that are really cool. For instance,
To find out what Chinese Element you are can help you with balancing your energy, Tao of Wellness has the best one:
To find out what body type and what foods you should eat and avoid I highly recommend Deepak Chopra’s test:
To find out your “raw” personality like I did and discover you are a “Tenacious Bulldog” check out:
raw personality quiz
So if you are going to waste time on the Internet after checking out my new Summer updates, check out these tests, hey it is always fun to learn about yourself and you might come away with a different view on yourself and how to relate to others!
Monday, July 4th, 2016
Fourth Of July is not only a celebration of our independence from England, the original Brexit, ha ha, (my apologies for the bad joke) but it signals the half way point of the year. It makes me stop and take an account of what has happened and if I’m on track or actually doing what I want to do with my life. Each year becomes more purposeful and I suppose that happens with age. So here I am at the “halfway” mark of 2016 and other than a few hiccups along the way this year I have no complaints. I will take today to navigate the rest of the year and work on my goals of being a smarter, kinder, gentler person and less of the qualities that no longer suit me.
So thank you for taking the journey along with me this year. Have a wonderful 4th of July holiday and thank you so much for all the support and love and the ability to do what I want to do and for making it possible for me to make a living doing it. That is absolute FREEDOM and I thank you for making it all possible!!!
Sunday, June 26th, 2016
It has been a bit of a circus around here. We’ve had Mean Kitty and Horny Horse, pregnancy surprise and travels to Napa.
To begin I thought it might be fun to punish Mr. Madison and put a restraining mask on him, tie him up and tease him with my kitty cat. Oh, I know, I’m such a Mean Kitty, aren’t I? Don’t worry, he liked it and it was nice getting my kitty cat licked and he got none!
Don’t worry guys, I wasn’t too rough on him. I just like to play like I’m mean. Purrr purrr.
Next it was out in the country on a warn summer day taking a bath in old horse trough. Little did I know there was still a horse around who wanted to drink. I decided to drink up his cum instead!
After all that horsin’ around, we had a surprise guest from the past with news of her pregnancy and guess who the Daddy is? Mr. Madison of course! After enjoying the pleasures of how he got her pregnant we had to rush her off to the emergency room to give birth to a baby Madison.
Then we packed our bags and headed for Napa. Oh, how sweet the taste of wine country. Our room had a view of the local vineyards and each morning I awoke to tranquility of inner peace and beauty of nature and a slight wine hangover!
Sunday, April 24th, 2016
Happy April Everyone. This month has been full of new things, new beings, and a new perspective on what it takes to get shit done around the house. On the 13th it was mine and Ryan’s wedding anniversary. We have been together for almost 17 years, and most of that time married and working together. I am starting to take this hard working man for granted and most recently realized my whole universe would not have been the same had he not been with me, holding my hand and going on this journey together. Awwww, yes, I am still in love with him even though he does tend to drive me crazy!
The day after our anniversary my new nephew was born, his name is Zen and he was delivered Cesarean which caused a few respiratory problems for him but I can happily announce today, 11 days later, he is coming home from the hospital as healthy as can be! Yay!
I spent last weekend babysitting my niece’s other son and her husband’s two children. I took them to go see Jungle Book, OMG, that is my favorite movie now. I love being an Aunt and spoiling them and buying them frozen yogurt and toys and going to the park and then packing up my car and going home. Dogs are way easier – ha ha. No really, they are precious and if I could spend time with them every weekend I would : )
I love doing content for my site and so I have been busy this month doing that as you can see, I can’t fake the funk.
I have also taken on the chore of remodeling the master bedroom at the work house. I wanted to do a reclaimed brick wall look with old brick, who knew it took so much work to make something look old and torn up a bit. Geez. It is done now and it looks great, just what I wanted. I re-did the ceiling, lighting, flooring, paint, floor boards, you name it. I also upgraded the master bath and the walk in closet. I also like how one starts off with a budget in mind and somehow along the way it quadruples? How does that happen?
I am on my way over to see Ryan with the doggies in about an hour. I have to do my makeup and then head over to the work house with about 20 sets of bras and panties to model for Polaroids that I sell on my site along with my outfit I’m wearing today for the shoot (I know it is Sunday but what can I say, working is fun for me!), dog food and walking apparatus for them, chicken and veggies to barbecue and some adult beverages, bathing suits to go into the pool and spa afterwards and most importantly, I take with me a great sense of happiness knowing that I get to enjoy this beautiful day.
Thursday, March 10th, 2016
February flew by so fast that I am just now writing about it during the first week of March! Yikes. Well here in California it was to be the wettest month in the wettest year but alas, thanks to global warming we experienced hot summer days while the East Coast was getting pounded by snow storms. Every Valentine’s Day Ryan and I take the doggies up to our local mountains. Each year I am so excited to play in the snow and I get all my gear ready only find out there is no snow yet again and I have to pack sandals instead of snow boots. Regardless of the lack of snow, we still have a great time and this year was no different.
Super Bowl was sort of uneventful this year. I think I just like the idea of having a party and getting everyone together and doing everything but watch the game. So for me the party was awesome, can’t say much for the game.
We got an extra day this month and I tried to celebrate my leap day by appreciating what I have. I took the extra day to think “I get to” instead of “I have to”. Puts a whole new perspective on chores.
Now getting back to Valentine’s Day and love, or even better, sex. As I mentioned before, I wrote a few article’s for my friend’s magazine. I was asked what my advice was on pleasing a woman. I can only speak for myself but this is what I shared:
Without sounding cliché or regurgitating the typical advice about “How to please a woman in bed” that is in every gosh darn magazine out there, I would like to approach that topic at a slightly different angle of “How to please your Woman”. Instead of listing off all the common sense stuff that everyone is aware of I am more interested in answering in detail (the best I can) one of our subscriber’s questions which was “How to reignite my sex life with my wife who I have been married to for a while and our sex life has become non-existent?”
This is a much harder issue to tackle because not only is she, or him, or whomever your partner is, most definitely too familiar and possibly bored with you and that you also take your partner for granted. You may now find yourself at a loss of how to get things going in bed again and have forgotten all those special things you did years ago that worked but now has gotten lost in the sauce somewhere between kids, money problems, health issues and everything else that divides us; sneaking up on us gradually and snatching away all of our young, exuberant horny selves.
I myself after 8 years of marriage, 16 years in the same relationship and working together for all that time have found even my sex life rather boring. Yes, doing porn for a living doesn’t mean I don’t experience what every other married couple goes through. So now that you know I also feel that same pain of longing for a sex life I used to enjoy when the relationship was fresh and new maybe you can appreciate some of my advice that I too have had to heed.
1. Speak your partner’s language.
Sounds weird but so true. Listen to what interests them and show them that you are listening by responding accordingly, not just let it go in one ear and out the other. Remember when you were dating, everything they said seemed so cool and interesting. Try it, really get outside yourself and listen to them. I for one am not a visual person, I am an auditory person. So tell me how much you love talking with me, tell me how funny I am, just speak to me and give me compliments and that is half the battle of turning me on. As I have learned from the “5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, that doesn’t always work with every person but you can be safe assured that compliments and listening will at the very least get you to first base. If you have gotten in a bad habit of only telling them the negative and what you don’t like about them you lose the chance of having true intimacy that can only be achieved when you build someone up, not tear them down.
2.Look the part.
For the people who are visual, seeing their partner dressed nicely and hair done and smelling good is a bonus. For those that haven’t been married for over 7 years this sounds ridiculous to you as if that is even an issue. But sad to say some where around the 7th year we tend to get a bit lazy, myself included. Many nights I greet my husband after work with nasty sweats on, a torn t-shirt, a saggy bra and zit cream on my face. And I wonder why he isn’t jumping my bones? It doesn’t have to be a holiday to shave your legs ladies. And guys, really manscaping IS a must. Trim it, shave it, just make sure it looks approachable. And most important, making yourself presentable doesn’t only affect the other person, it gives you the confidence to take control of the situation and help to seduce your partner. And nothing is sexier than a man or woman with nice feet. Go get a pedicure you cheap ass!
3. Create the Space.
This can be taken literally or theoretically. If you have children, make it a date night so no one is home or get a hotel room, getting away can do wonders for a relationship. If that isn’t plausible just make your own bedroom a romantic hideaway. Clean up the dirty laundry, put all the crap away and light some candles. Make it sexy and inviting. Women dig on candles, it’s primordial or something, instantly makes us want to have sex. However you see fit, just make a space for sex. It doesn’t have to cost a lot or take hours to do, make a bubble bath, put some flowers in a vase, just create the kind of space you know your partner would feel good in.
4. Give Baby, Give!
I’ll get to the sex part but try giving in other areas that
you know your partner will appreciate. You know that “honey do list”? Well, do something without being asked. That is actually a huge romantic gesture. Making the other person feel respected and cared for has a trickle down effect on their sexual organs. So once a few chores are done, the bedroom looks cozy and romantic, you took a bath and groomed up nicely, now it is time to put 100% focus on to them. Completely let go of your own selfish needs and really be there for the other person. Start off with a conversation they want to have and then get ready to seduce and conquer.
Your mindset has to be initiating sex without the end goal to be your own orgasm. Kiss your partner, massage them, touch them the way you know they like to be touched, and refuse them when they go to return the favor. Tell them tonight it is all about them. You don’t have to go into some tantric sex act for hours on end, just do what it takes to get them off or at the very least until you make that special connection, that deep intimate “I love you and want you to feel good” connection.
That is the most important, give without any desire for return, blue balls it if you have to boys and for you girls, you’ll have to get yourself off later with a toy or something. It will be easy to orgasm with the realization of how well you fu@#ed your partner.
So for those trying to re-kindle a long gone flame you once shared, like the woman who used to give you a blow job as you drove home from dinner and now just bitches at you for the way you are driving, or the guy who couldn’t keep his hands off you the minute no one was around and now would rather spend time in the garage alone, this is for you….