Return to the Main Page See all of my latest video and photo sets! Find out more about me! Check out all my behind-the-scenes action! Browse my Sexy Girlfriends! Read my blog! Shop in my online store! Returning members enter here Get Instant Access Now!

Archive for the ‘Jokes & Stupid Shit’ Category

Happy Easter!

Sunday, April 20th, 2014

Look what I got this morning from the Easter Bunny.

DSC_0492

DSC_0491

These photos are from my website back in April of 2008. I can’t believe the stupid stuff I get Ryan to do. You would think I only put him in this costume once but oh no, I’ve dressed him up as the Easter bunny quite a few times. He always complains that the costume is too hot but he’s a sucker for a good bunny fuck.

I really prefer this photo. I’m mouth fucking the bunny! Isn’t that so very Eastery.

DSC_0499

Bip and Bap

Tuesday, September 18th, 2012

We have 2 new pets at the office. Ryan had the brilliant idea of getting roaches to run around a shitty old motel room as part of the scene to make it seem even dirtier so our production assistant / hair stylist went to the pet store and bought 2 Madagascar roaches. Mind you, the store keeper only had 2 left so Carissa paid for the roaches but refused to take them home for the night. Instead she paid for them, left them there overnight and picked them up in the morning to bring to the office. She said she was down with whatever but she refused to babysit roaches at her house. Wendy our office manager named them after a Korean dish that she doesn’t like called BibimBap.

She normally loves Korean food but this particular dish “grosses her out” because of the raw egg, hence the name for the disgusting looking bugs. We used them at the motel on Saturday and now they are safely back in their cage. I want to keep them for our Halloween shoot later this month. They are sort of growing on us all, they kinda fit in with our gang!

Is this photoshopped or real?

Tuesday, April 24th, 2012

Don’t even ask me how I found this photo on the internet. I was looking for a pink penis phone to buy for a friend and this image shows up when I googled it. By the way, never found the phone…

Did he see his shadow?

Thursday, February 2nd, 2012

It is groundhog day, so what’s up? Did he see it or not? Is it 6 more weeks of winter because around here it has been 70 degrees during the day, it doesn’t even feel like winter. I want 6 weeks of ACTUAL winter, I have new boots that I got for Christmas and I want to wear them, damn it!

Jackweight?

Friday, November 5th, 2010

IMG_0110

Yeah, that’s what I said. Introducting the “Jackweight”. Hey, I figured everyone else and their dog has done a spoof on the shakeweight so I weighed in with my own version 🙂

Hope you like it, I had fun making it. I had to do 5 outfit changes in one day. It is a lot easier just to get dressed once and then take it off on camera. Check out the free trailer and let me know if you want to order yours today!

Another Look-A-Like!

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

IMG_0058
Man, they keep popping out of nowhere. She is a little shorter but I can totally see the similarities. We both have big tits, we are full of hot air and most importantly for my husband, we both have big mouths! This is yet another prop from the scene I shot this weekend. I can’t wait for next week’s update.

But until then, if you appreciate big titties and since you are reading my blog that must be the case. (let’s face it, you don’t read my shit cuz I’m funny or smart, right?) Check out this photo from my newest update on my site entitled “Breast Appreciation #3”. It is the 3rd in a series that is all about the boobs and nothing but the boobs so help me god. So please, join the site and see for yourself that yes, they are real, yes they do keep getting bigger every year, and yes, I love to jiggle them around for you.

321L4322-1

Confucius say, “If you are in a book store and cannot find the book for which you search, you are obviously in the…..

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

image001

Bucket List

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

A friend sent me their bucket list and told me to check off what I have done. I thought I might share it with you in case you might want to check it off for yourself. It made me think of things that I really would love to do and I am grateful to have been able to check off a lot that I have already had the pleasure and opportunity to do.

( ) Gone on a blind date

(x) Watched someone die

(x) Been to Canada

(x) Been to Mexico

(x) Been to Florida

(x) Been to Hawaii

(x) Been to Europe

( ) Been to South America

( ) Been to Central America

( ) Been to Asia

( ) Been to Australia or New Zealand

(x) Been on a plane

(x) Been on a helicopter

(x) Been on a Cruise

( ) Visited All 50 States

(x) Been lost

(x) Been on the opposite side of the country

( ) Gone to Washington, DC

(x) Swam in the ocean (Pacific & Atlantic)

(x) Cried yourself to sleep

(x)Played cops and robbers

(x) Recently colored with crayons

(x) sang Karaoke

(x) Paid for a meal with coins only

(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t

(x) Made prank phone calls

(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.

( ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(x) Danced in the rain

(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus

(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe

(x) Watched the sunrise with someone

(x) Blown bubbles

(x) Gone ice-skating

(x) Been skinny dipping outdoors

(x) Gone to the movies

(x) Skipped school

( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch

( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans

( ) Been deep sea fishing

( ) Driven across the United States

( ) Been in a hot air balloon

( ) Been sky diving

( ) Gone snowmobiling

( ) Lived in more than one country

(x) Visited more than one country

(x) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets

(x) Seen a falling star and made a wish

( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser

(x) Seen the Statue of Liberty

(x) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle

(x) Traveled by train

(x) Traveled by motorcycle

(x) Been horseback riding

(x) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR

( ) Been to Disneyland — and Disney World

( ) Truly believe in the power of prayer

( ) Been in a rain forest

(x) Seen whales in the ocean

( ) Been to Niagara Falls

( ) Ridden on an elephant

( ) Swam with Manatees

(x) Been to the Olympics

( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China

(x) Saw and heard a glacier calf

( ) Been spinnaker flying

(x) Been water-skiing

(x) Been snow-skiing

( ) Been to Westminster Abbey

( ) Been to the Louvre

(x) Swam in the Mediterranean

(x) Been to a Major League Baseball game

(x) Been to a National Football League game

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

Tuesday, May 13th, 2008

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely
P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, The administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your assigned task. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Kelly Madison’s Top 10 Countdown of Things that sound dirty about Halloween

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

10. She’s a goblin!

9. I’d like to get a little something
in the sack tonight.

8. Just get on your hands and
knees and bob your head.

7. She’s got a couple of nice
pumpkins on her porch.

6. If you just lick it,
it will last longer.

5. Let me see your big sack.

4. Can I eat your zagnuts?

3. Have your mom check it
before you put it in your mouth.

2. You scared me stiff!

And the dirtiest sounding but
not-dirty Halloween saying is…

1. He’s got candy spread out
on the living room floor!

Click here for Instant Access! Continue The Free Tour!
Return to the Main Page See all of my latest video and photo sets! Find out more about me! Check out all my behind-the-scenes action! Browse my Sexy Girlfriends! Read my blog! Shop in my online store! Returning members enter here Get Instant Access Now!
 
Webmaster Affiliate Program
Copyright © 1999 - 2017 Kelly Madison Media. All Rights Reserved.
Custodian Of Records (18 U.S.C. Section 2257).