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Do I dare ask?

December 9th, 2014

So your devout, hard working, ever busy, member loving, “tackle the world”, family caretaker, adult performer and producer may be a little late in the game on this fan voting stuff but I would absolutely adore if you could spare the time and vote for us at AVN. We are also honored with several industry voted nominations, thank you so much AVN. I am so thrilled for our company to have so many noms in so many different categories this year. So if you could spare the time and vote for us daily, here is a link to an easy to use Nomination page. that Ryan put together which has a list all of our company nominations along with the fan voting further down.

I am honored that Ryan and I are up for the following fan voting nominations:

I’m up for Best Boobs & Hottest Milf. I am rather particularly happy about the Best boobs one :)

Ryan is up for Favorite Male Porn Star & Kinkiest Performer, how frickin’ funny is that one?

Our company is up for Favorite Studio.

You can go to our easy to use page or go directly to AVN at Fan Voting.

Giving Thanks

November 27th, 2014


I know it may seem odd that I am so happy and hopeful and full of gratitude at the same time I am going through the pain of acknowledging that I am losing my sister Cheryl but I truly am. I am so grateful for the all the kind and caring people and the compassion I have learned through this whole experience. My sister is a joyful and fun person and she loves to laugh, even when I can barely understand what she is saying sitting beside her hospital bed she brings a smile to my face. She cracks jokes, makes fun of the nurses, and I am going to miss that the most. 3 days ago she seemed to just be going downhill and then we found out she has a blood clot in her leg so I prepared a meeting with a hospice facility yesterday. But then when I saw my sister upon my arrival to Vegas yesterday afternoon she was speaking clearly, holding a conversation, participating in her occupational therapy, doing her respiratory therapy and I think “showing off” for me. Now hospice is on hold and I want to figure out the best care possible and the right treatment and environment that is best for her in this precarious time. She cried a few tears when I told her it was Thanksgiving the next day and she wasn’t well enough for me to transport her home as I had originally planned and it broke my heart to see her disappointment but Ryan is flying in today, my niece drove in late last night from San Diego and we all taking turns spending the day with her. My eldest sister Judi is having Thanksgiving at her house so we are taking food to Cheryl and I might even sneak in some wine. Hey, it’s a holiday.

So sorry to be a Debbie Downer on this beautiful holiday but I am really OK. I feel centered and I know what I am supposed to be doing and I am learning more how to be the person I have always aspired to be. I am thankful for all the members of my sites who continue to show loyalty and respect even in a world of stolen free porn, I am thankful for all the kind individuals in this industry, and to my friends, employees, and family who have all helped me out this year and enabled me to be there so much for my sister. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I’m off to the hospital and then the airport and then to my sister Judi’s house and then back to the hospital. May your travels today wherever you spend your holiday be safe and remember to tell everyone you love today how you feel. You never know how long you are going to have them in your life.

Wow! Thanks XBiz : )

November 13th, 2014

11 Nominations for Kelly Madison Media. What an honor and such a pleasant thing to wake up to this beautiful morning. So nice to see so many of our friends nominated as well. Congrats to everyone and again, a sincere thanks and love shout out to Xbiz.

Happy Veteran’s Day!

November 11th, 2014


Since 1776, over 48 million Americans have served in the armed forces. We honor all veterans who have given of their lives for freedom!



Meditation, Rehabilitation, and Salvation

November 9th, 2014


Sounds like a theme for a Born Again, but no. I am just trying to find my True Self’s way in this turbulent world I have found myself in. I have been gone 4 out of 7 days each week in October and the first week of November taking care of my sister. I helped her with her full cranial radiation and round 2 of her chemo treatments when on Tuesday October 14th shortly after I arrived in Vegas to take care of her she fell to the floor. I lifted her up and checked on her every hour on the hour until in the morning after calling her oncologist we decided to take her into the emergency room. 18 days later and numerous tests including a spinal tap and it has been determined that my sister has a brain infection. She is being treated with IV antibiotics and in a day or so we should be finally moving her to a rehab facility within the hospital in order to get her up and walking which she hasn’t done since that fateful day.

Also, we are also losing a cherished member of our team who is moving on and my husband has yet to find a replacement, instead, the talented and passionate man of mine is going to take on the task as also being our main editor of our movies. He truly is a Renaissance man and can do it all, I just wonder if working 7 days a week is a healthy choice for him but he is stubborn and determined and smart so I know he knows what is best for him. His choices have always been wise in the past.

With all this going on and taking on the task as my sister’s Power of Attorney and taking on not only her medical needs but her financial needs and her insurance issues and trying to assist Ryan in any way that I can I have also brought my sister’s dog home. Oh yeah, I also did 2 KM shoots yesterday and today on Sunday I am preparing for one teenfidelity shoot this week and 2 pornfidelity shoots and my accountant is revising our last 2 year’s taxes this week along with my assistance. Yep, and a dog too? Am I crazy? That’s OK, I have found that I have abilities to juggle many things at one time and it hasn’t put me in the asylum yet. I have faith that this is all going to be OK.

That brings me to the meditation. Thank you universe for providing me Deepak Chopra whom I have learned from since the early 90′s to come back into my life again by way of free daily meditations online. This could not have presented itself to me at a better time. I have found my emotional and spiritual salvation at a time when I should virtually be freaking out.

So to find one’s peace and way through the harshest times is so transforming. I have so much to be grateful for and to work with my husband yesterday was so fulfilling. We came home and made dinner and we just couldn’t have been more attracted to each other if we tried. After 15 years we acted like we had just started dating. I couldn’t have asked for a better “welcome home” than that!

I did come home last week for a few days and attended a wedding on Halloween. It was a full costume attendance and Ryan and I were happy to adorn our Halloween best. We also took a family photo before leaving as well as stayed at a hotel nearby the reception and shot a video. Somehow we always fit in a bit of work in all our play.



No matter what is going on or how busy I get I never fail to give the members of my site a weekly update that I try to put all my heart and soul into because I have the best members in the world and I would hate to let them down. Here are some samples of some of the updates since I last checked in:


I will hopefully be home for a few days this week and I appreciate everyone’s well wishes regarding my sister. I’ll check in next Sunday!

Peaks and Valleys

October 5th, 2014


Alas I finally made it to the mountains in September. My birthday trip to June lake was of course delayed due to my sister’s health but after some moving around of the schedule and a great deal of thought and processing of guilt I was able to hit the road with Ryan and the dogs. As we left there was a blazing fire in the National Forest behind our home but our bags were packed and our insurance premiums paid so we said, “What the hell” and took off.


The drive through the desert was pleasant as always and we stopped off for some turkey jerky and homemade honey.


We left one hundred degree weather to a nice temperature in the high 70′s, low 80′s and even though it was warmer than what we were used to or even packed for, we were happy and grateful. The next day a fire began in the mountains not far from our little place of heaven. Luckily even though the major road was closed the mountains directly behind us were not ablaze and we were able to go on hikes. The winds were also in the opposite direction so even though our climb took us higher than the helicopters dropping water, we had fresh air and a gosh darn good view of the smoldering fire. At one point on our hike we were headed directly to where the fire was and I didn’t think it wise but then at the top of climb there was a lake we could always jump in if needed!


Tommy and Kaylee did great on the hike. It was a 5 mile hike, 2,000 feet increase in elevation and very steep the entire way so we went from an elevation of 7,000 feet to 9,000 feet in less than 2 hours. We packed snacks and water, oh yeah, Ryan carried us up two beers!



Unfortunately I didn’t see any bears, just this one in the lobby, cute flower, huh?


The only true bummer about the trip was coming home. I love the mountains, I grew up a beach girl but my heart belongs to the High Sierras. One day I will retire there, at least during the Spring through Fall and then reside at the beach during the winter. But for now, I shall submit to the squelching Southern California hot desert heat and deal with it the best way I know how – NAKED.


Sports, Drugs, Parties and Travel, oh my!

September 6th, 2014


Football season is back and that means Sunday Funday around here as well as Ryan being fully engrossed in his 2 fantasy football teams. It isn’t all fun and games though because I went out to Vegas last Friday to take my sister Cheryl to her new oncologist and the appointment went well and we both like and respect this new doctor but doing full cranial radiation is scaring the shit out of both of us. We didn’t have time to worry about it much because we had to pack her and her dog up to come back to my house for the weekend. My other sister’s daughter was also moving last weekend so I was the taxi driver for my two sisters and my dog and my sister’s dog from Vegas to California on Saturday. I then loaned my sister Judi my truck to then continue down to Carlsbad to help my niece move while I worked, or should I say slaved, on putting on an end of the year combo birthday party at the office house. We had a great time at the party on Sunday and I’m glad my sister Cheryl was there to enjoy some fun in the sun at our pool party and hang out with all the crazy characters that work with me. We are all indeed super fucking crazy as hell.

The party was a total success and I cleaned up, packed my bags yet again, threw my two dogs and my sister’s dog in the back of the caddy, and along with my two sisters headed back to Vegas Monday early evening. Oh yeah, I also packed Ryan’s stuff because he flew out to Vegas Tuesday afternoon. I picked him up from the airport in Vegas and we put together custom labels for a box of cigars I ordered for his fantasy football party he was attending Tuesday night at our friend Rick’s house. Geez, there was a lot going on so try to catch up. So I pick up Ryan, go over to our friend Ken and Serena’s where then Ken and Ryan drove to Rick’s while I visited with Serena. Come to find out she has a cousin who runs a website assisting patients with Cannabis treatment by the name of United Patients Group. Holy cow, I’ve been trying to find out about this Cannabis oil and where to get it since it was first suggested to me from Sandee and Jared several months ago. Well, Serena had all the info and I drove Ryan and I home on Wednesday, got my medical marijuana card, met up with the distributor of the oil and got it to my sister as of 8PM last night. I have learned more about CBD’s and THC in the last two days. I think I am at the biochemist status at this point. So here I am with the medical marijuana card and I don’t even smoke it!

You would think after all that going on last week I would be ready for bed, quite the contrary, we did 2 shoots this week and tomorrow we leave for a local Indian casino to celebrate Ryan’s Grandmother’s birthday and we may just stay an extra day to get a little porn shooting in. It can’t be all play and no work.


47 today

August 26th, 2014


I made it to 47 despite my attempts at living life to it’s fullest with all the vices one can fit into a 32 year time frame, from my teenage years to present. I have to admit I’m pretty healthy and getting older hasn’t slowed me down. I would like to announce that today is not only my birthday, but National Dog Day, apropo I thought since my dogs do mean a lot to me. So “Here’s to me and the dogs, may we all have a day where we get to go on a walk, drink lots of water, avoid biting when a growl will do, accept all of life’s treats with gratitude and most importantly, love unconditionally!”


Thanks for all the b-day tweets and emails. Love you guys!

OK not hating the world, God, life, or myself at the moment…

August 24th, 2014


Well, at least not at THIS moment. Fuck I have been in the WORST mood lately. Ever since I got the call from my indiscernible sister 2 weeks ago this Tuesday that I received while she was having her seizure and she could barely speak and it scared the shit out of me, I have been so miserable. I drove out to pick her up from the hospital and I also picked up all her new MRI’s and CT scans to compare them with the PET scans done earlier in April and yep, just what I didn’t want to be true, seems the cancer has spread to her brain. Fuck fuck fuck. She has been to a new neurologist who confirmed our biggest fears and with the combine group efforts of her OBGYN oncologist and her new medical oncologist that I am taking her to this Friday, we will determine wether she is to under go radiation therapy along with a new round of chemo or just radiation. Bizzare news is that she believed my happy positive bullshit and her attitude is fantastic! She even went back to work and seems to be filled with new ambition and vigor at continuing the fight. I am so thrilled about that. I was falling apart inside but as usual I put up my tough as nails asshole motivating exterior and it paid off. I am so proud of her.

Meanwhile I’ve been a mess inside. Thank you to all of you that have sent the kindest emails and messages. I really do appreciate it and it helped me from literally not offing myself this past week. OK, maybe I’m being a bit dramatic but I have also, embarassing as it is to admit to the world, been feeling sorry for myself because I’m turning 47 on Tuesday. I know, how superficial and insignificant considering what my poor sister is going through trying to fight for her life but I have been a bit pity party-ish. I’m not even vain but getting older bums me out a little bit. Even when I was young I didn’t like to celebrate my birthday so it isn’t just an age thing, I just really don’t like the attention. As ironic as that sounds with me being an adult performer, it is true. Poor Ryan has to always put up with me being negative about my birthday and he is the kindest most romantic and thoughtful man and I have a way just squashing his efforts. I do love his ever positive attitude that “someday” I’ll enjoy celebrating my birthday.

To turn things around I shot 2 videos for my site yesterday and I approached the day with a positive outlook and I had one of the best production working days that I have had in months. I did 2 scenes and did several Polaroids for the bra and panty sets that I’ve sold recently.


I had fun, I felt good, I felt healthy and alive and things are really turning around for me in so many areas I have little to no room to be sad about anything. Even my sister’s condition isn’t dire and I’m not going to shed another tear until I have proof that her treatments aren’t working. So there! I may even celebrate my birthday, OK, maybe that’s going a bit too far. Maybe a movie and dinner with Ryan, we’ll see. I usually go to Mammoth Lakes for my birthday with the dogs and Ryan so it isn’t just about “me” but more so a family vacation for all to enjoy, but with all the medical hullabaloo going on and also I’m in the middle of selling a property rental in Texas that is problematic, I postponed my trip.

So with all that said, this should be an eventful week. Monday I should be closing on the Texas house, my birthday is on Tuesday, we have 2 shoots scheduled this week for and, I am driving out to Vegas to take my sister to the doctor on Friday, and I am having a big company pool and barbecue party on Sunday. Madness as usual here at Kelly Madison Media, hey, I wouldn’t have it any other way : )


Does life always have to be so painful?

August 13th, 2014

I know I act a lot like everything is so fucking great but not tonight. Tonight my sister who recently survived cancer had a stroke. My eldest sister is with her at the hospital right now and I’ll be driving out tomorrow to Vegas. I can’t believe it has been to the day exactly 13 years since my Mother passed and I’m still getting over the loss of her. Tonight I received a text and a photo from my sister Judi updating me of Cheryl’s condition and the photo of Cheryl in her hospital bed sleeping looks just like our Mom. I’m scared, I’m worried, and dealing with a sick person is so hard to do, not in the physical realm or having to do things for someone, but it is just such an emotional drain. I took care of my sick Mother for years, then a sick dog for years, and this past year my very very sick sister. Ryan and I just took his grandparents out to dinner last night and got an update on all their ailments and I ordered some holistic products for them just this morning. I really don’t mind being a caretaker, I feel like I have been one all my life but the pain and fear of loss sucks. So for those out there who do what I do and care for others I feel your pain as I’m sure you do mine. I find my greatest strength usually in these difficult times but a few tears get shed as well. Thanks for the continual support.

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