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Happy New Year, thank god that other one is over…

January 24th, 2016

This new year is very special for me. I see it as a new beginning to start something fresh and magical. Last year was full of pain and despair, loss and difficulties, challenges and most of all, great change. I feel it was my year of real growth so for that I will be forever grateful but now I would like to take my new awareness and really do something important. So I wish for all of you to meet this new year with enthusiasm and most of all, belief in yourself. There is no better time than now to diminish the power of unconscious beliefs that are not working for you and embrace new possibilities with a new awareness level. I’ve learned through some very difficult lessons that what I identify with, I become. I’m ready to be the best me I can be in 2016!

So here is what has been happening in my little world since Jan. 1st.


I celebrated 2016 with a video from that we shot a few years ago with the gorgeous Ana Foxxx and the vivacious Nyomi Banxxx. It was such a fun shoot that I wanted to share it with my members.

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I worked on Jan. 1st and did a photo/video shoot. With the chaos of the holidays and birthdays in December I really had no other time to work so a few of us had to work on New Year’s day. It was fun and I love what I do so I truly can’t complain that is was “work” if you know what I mean. Making love to my husband on or off camera is always a good way to start the New Year.


I was also able to visit Carlsbad and see my niece and her new husband and all their kids. It was so nice down by the ocean that Ryan and I decided to stay an extra day. We had a nice room with a kitchen with the ocean only steps away so why not stay and enjoy a day together? We enjoyed it the best way we know how, we shot a video in the morning after walking the dogs on the beach : )


I then celebrated this month with my favorite person EVER to work with, Brandi Love. We had so much fun making this video a few years ago, that again, I had to steal it from and share it with MY members. This one is called “Cumsicle”, yes, use your imagination on that one!


The second week of January we left for a work/vaca trip to Cabo. I had a quick business trip to Vegas and then I was off to Mexico. It was so cold when we boarded the plane and we landed only 2 hours later in 80 degree heaven. I usually love the cold but it was a nice warm welcome that I really appreciated. I have 4 videos to share on my website that I did while down there. This amateur sort of out of focus photos is from the first video we did, we went out enjoying the town and I was so tired I fell asleep in my dress lying on the bed. Ryan woke me up to have sex and so we turned on our little camera and captured the “real thing”. No lights, no big cameras, just us in the middle of the night in Mexico as raw as can be.


To end our trip to Cabo in grand style Ryan and I drove to Flora Farms in San Jose. It was spectacular! We took a tour of the farm and had a lovely dinner. The farm and all the produce, the beautiful grounds, the elegant dining experience all far exceeded our expectations. It made us want to go home and be farmers.

Well, we’ve been home for almost a week, I haven’t starting planting my newly inspired garden as of yet but I have been planting seeds on what I want to create this year.

Holiday Happiness

December 29th, 2015

Joy to the World, I’m finally writing in my blog, let everyone be shocked. Sorry for the non entry lately. This holiday season sort of kicked my butt. With Ryan’s birthday on the 16th, our company party on the 19th which I planned and executed all on my own, and 4 different family holiday celebrations I’m ready to turn in my santa hat for the year!


This year has come with so many blessings that I can’t complain. We received 15 nominations for AVN awards and 9 from XBiz. We’re extremely thankful to AVN and to XBiz for these amazing nominations! With such a crowded market place and so much incredible content out there, we’re grateful to the fans and critics for taking notice of our movies and supporting our studio.

This year was very difficult as well with losing my sister early on and then a cousin with a tragic and unexpected death and the passing of a dear family friend. It made Christmas a bit melancholy but also reminded me to be grateful for those I do have in my life and for my incredible health.

Our holiday company party was extremely fun and I think everyone enjoyed all the surprises and gifts and bonuses. I want them to feel appreciated because we wouldn’t have the company we have without them.

Seeing all the family we do have filled my heart with love and joy and the kids are all growing up so fast. This coming month my little Kaylee dog will be 8 years old.


We are fast approaching our senior years together. The new year is only days away and I still can’t believe it will be 2016. Time is flying by and I want to make sure that everyone from my fans, to my friends and my family know how much I care for them.

Love and Holiday Kisses,



A Thanksgiving message: Gratitude can go a long way…

November 26th, 2015

In fact, a blowjob can have an affect on the whole universe!


Sounds preposterous? Giving gratitude can go a long way and no good deed goes unnoticed. This article is for people that have been in a committed relationship for a fair amount of time. For those in a new romance, and I mean less than 3 years or so, this may not even apply to you and if what I speak of rings true to you then you had better take notes.

Everyone out there knows you take the ones you love for granted. Blah blah blah. Everyday niceties like “thank you” and “oh honey, that was so kind of you” somehow get lost in translation during your journey through life together. You start to expect it when they do things for you since inside what you are really thinking to yourself is “oh I do WAY more for them than they ever do for me”. Sound familiar? That is the killer right there because that way of perceiving your relationship is not only dangerous, it is wholly destructive.

So let’s begin our lesson with gratitude. And what is so fabulous about gratitude is that you actually get more from expressing gratitude then those who are on the receiving end. There in lies the magic, that wonderful enlightened magic where the better person you are to your spouse the better person you become which leads to you falling more in love with yourself which is the key to a successful relationship with your spouse.

So set aside those old tired feelings of being unappreciative and bitter and look at your spouse with new eyes. Try to see them how their co-workers or friends may. Focus on what your partner does well and think of all the kind things they do for you on a daily basis. Hell, I have a few friends that would be thankful if their spouse just had a job, let alone you sitting there taking them for granted when they put in a 60+ hour work week. Believe me I am writing this for myself as much as I am for you. I have become a bitter and unhappy woman to come home to at times and this did not affect my husband as much as it did me. I started to see myself as unhappy and so unhappy things began to occur. Once I began to shift my perspective to being happy and finding the joy and gratitude in just the littlest things, I didn’t lose myself or my standards even though my ugly ego was telling me that, but I actually found my true self.

Now let’s go one step further. When was the last time you showed your partner gratitude with sex? While researching my article I found all these ways to show gratitude to your partner by saying thank you and giving them back scratches and leaving them little notes -FUCK THAT! My husband would feel so much more appreciated with a blow job then a note on his computer, even better, putting a note on his computer to come back to bed and I’ll give him a quick blow job before going to work would be the perfect way to show him gratitude.

There are even studies that prove that showing gratitude makes you sexier. And I so believe it. When I feel grateful and express it to my partner I get all warm and fuzzy inside. I almost start to glow. I feel lighter and brighter. I’m sure this translates as being more attractive and more approachable. So showing your gratitude with sex is just one step above, giving your partner the best sex is going to enhance your mind, body and soul. Being grateful and giving it to them just the way they like it will most definitely give you the orgasm of your dreams as well.

So show a little love, or better yet, a lotta love and really give it to your mate. Don’t do some boring sensual and tender love making nonsense, really fuck them good. Let them know that they are THE most important person in your life and that their happiness is your happiness and lucky for you, that is indeed the case. Gratitude is viral. Once you start showing it and feeling it the ones you love tend to catch the condition too. Think of this as a holistic approach to your love life, you give your partner great sex to show them your gratitude, you feel happy, they feel loved, they in turn are kind to the other people in their life, and from there the energy flows like a wave. Your blow job can inexplicitly make somebody else’s day that you don’t even know, powerful stuff so don’t hesitate to make the world a better place even if you have to give some oral in order to get it done.

Happy Veteran’s Day!

November 11th, 2015


I like this new Walmart campaign to “green light” our vets. I found out it isn’t just about a green light to show your respect for our veterans but to bring awareness to the struggles they face once coming home. So I did some research and found this: “A veteran can sit for an average of twenty-two weeks in unemployment between their last military paycheck and a new job”. It seems a shame to have these talented and trained individuals unemployed for any length of time. Plus, as we all know, there are so many that come home with PTSD. I am still a monthly contributor to Pets for Vets which enables those individuals finding it difficult to “fit” back into society a gentle and loving way to cope and enable them to have a new career. So love all around for our Vets!


I really can get behind this campaign and I myself would love to hire a vet.

Magical Weekend

November 8th, 2015


Oh, I am in love. No, not with a new man but I fell in love with a city while traveling with my man. We went to New Orleans for Halloween and to attend the Saint’s game. I have never been to New Orleans so I was so excited to go. I even packed my bags several days before our departure which is very much unlike me, I was ready to go. Knowing that we would be there for Halloween I packed Ryan and myself costumes to wear and traveling with big hats with feathers on them was no easy task. We got into New Orleans around 7PM on Friday the 30th and just driving to our hotel we saw hundreds of people dressed up for Halloween walking the streets with adult beverages in hand. My kind of town. So we hurried up and checked in to our beautiful antique filled hotel room and jetted out onto the streets with the other crazies.


Of course we hit Bourbon street first where I was promptly greeted by fan that yelled out “Hey Kelly Madison”. As I said this was my kind of town filled with my kind of people. We had a few drinks and strolled in and out of the bars. I quickly found out this was a walking town and I had on the wrong shoes. But I also discovered the more you drink the less your feet hurt. I also discovered Madison Street.


The next day we went on a 3 hour museum hosted walking tour of the city. Yes, I bought some proper shoes for the event, Aerosoles to be exact, and we explored the town from end to end. We got some crab cakes and then headed back to our hotel.


I started to get ready for our night out and decided to turn it into a photo/video update for So after a bit of work I put on my dress and cape and Ryan adorned a steampunk/voodoo daddy getup and off we went to Frenchman Street.


Everyone was dressed up and hanging out on the street despite the downpour of rain. I loved that even though everyone was quite hammered there was no violence or “episodes” of raging testosterone. Everyone got along, everyone was kind to the homeless people, there was respect all around which made for a crazy fun night. The best costume I saw that night was the Publisher’s Clearing House Gang. So original and awesome to see them walking down the street, I just had to take a pic with them!


We didn’t stay out too late, just long enough to eat a midnight hot dog at Dat Dog which is super delicious, and to see a live brass band on the street that was harmonizing with a big trash truck driving past. We walked back soaking wet and went to bed in order to be fresh and ready for the Saints vs the Giants game on Sunday. And can I say, what a game it was! It was pouring rain so the tailgating wasn’t much but we did find a great restaurant and met some friendly Saints fans to sit with. The place was super crowded so I talked to a few people in line and we agreed to all sit together as a party of 8 rather than wait an hour for separate tables. Definitely a good idea because I loved hanging out with them. I really loved everyone in New Orleans. I could live there. The game was epic, the food was delicious, and having a few double Maker’s Marks was the cherry on top.


After recovering from the game, we decided to head out to get a bite to eat. We ended up in a nice place that served a full menu at the bar and I got to have my first Sazerac. Our bartender was informative, talkative, and cool as shit, just how I like my bartenders.


We tried to get into the museum on Monday but alas, it was closed. We still got to see some more sights and check out the art galleries and again, more people watching. Best people watching town ever! We hit a voodoo store where we ran into another fan and took a pic with him. Ryan also bought an African mask from the voodoo store, still wondering if that was a wise decision. We eventually sauntered back to our hotel and had fabulous sex. Don’t worry, I got it all on film and both New Orleans scenes I shot will be on my site this week and next. We finished the night off with an elegant dinner at Muriel’s and a midnight stroll. We even stopped and had our palms read. Seems Ryan is going to live into his 90’s. I guess all that sex is going to keep him alive for a very long time.


Tuesday we said goodbye to our beloved city. We will be back. There was still so much to do. It breaks my heart thinking of all that happened in the aftermath of Katrina. I said a little prayer when I first saw the Superdome. I’m glad that the city has recovered as much as it has and even though there are still people that never got back what they lost, New Orleans never lost its magic.


Mountains or Mole hills?

October 27th, 2015


I chose this title because looking back at the last month or so a lot of problems I imagined as difficult mountains really have turned out to be nothing at all and all the daunting tasks became fun challenges that I actually enjoyed doing.

So with that said let me catch you up on things. Last I wrote I had just gotten back from my birthday trip to Rancho Santa Fe. Soon after we got home we had a major leak from the 2nd floor down to the basement. This is the 2nd time this has happened and we thought it was fixed. I called out the plumber and after putting two holes right where I just repaired it from last time, alas they found no leak. Come to find out, the last model that we shot somehow left the shower door open and had the shower head pointed outside the shower and got the floor all wet enough to soak down 2 floors! Again, thought it was a huge mountain, nah just a mole hill that cost me $500 to repair.

Ryan and I had our annual trip planned to June Lake to shoot some content for my site and get out into the great outdoors. Right before going I decided to re-do my wood deck by the pool. Well there ended up being a few hick-ups in the process and it cost more than originally planned and took much longer to do and then all of a sudden our pool began to lose inches of water a day. We ended up having a major leak in one of the pipes under the newly done deck but it wasn’t construction related, just random. Everything got fixed and the mountain-like problem ended up being nothing but a busted pipe that luckily we could get to without destroying all the work done.

I have avoided a few other tragedies as well this past month. I also learned a good lesson from them all: Not all things are as they appear and if you keep level headed and positive the solutions come to you with ease.

So now I am taking on a badly needed roof repair, new windows in the master bedroom, and some long overdue landscaping. I just signed a contract for new Internet which is no easy task when your house has absolutely no cable or fiber going to it. All of it has to be brought in by telephone pole. But after long negotiations with the City and with Time Warner I refuse to pay $96,000 for coax cable to be put in the road and instead worked out a deal with AT&T for 5 times the bandwidth I was getting before for less than what I was paying and I’ll have no construction costs or headaches. Wheh!

So enough with my boring life. Let’s get back to what I enjoy doing most which is entertaining my fans. I did shoot a few scenes up in the mountains as well as some photo/video shoots when I was in Rancho. I also updated a shoot I did with Julia Ann that I wanted to share with the members of, she was my first porn girl crush. I really love her. She is a good person inside and beautiful in every way.

Here a few photos from it all:


I have also written a few more articles for Level Magazine that I wish to share with you. I’ll post them in the coming days. Take care and remember, what you focus on, you create. Focus on the problems and not the solutions and the problems just gets worse.

All things San Diego…

September 7th, 2015


I have spent a few days in San Diego County and loving every minute of it. Ryan and I took the doggies with us down to Rancho Santa Fe for a few days at a beautiful boutique hotel that allowed dogs which is always a plus, I hate having to sneak the little guys in : )


Actually the old days of sneaking dogs into hotel rooms is long gone. There are so many 4 star hotels that allow pets it makes it so much easier to travel with my hairy babies. This place was pristine. The weather was nice, the staff was great and the rooms were beautiful. I say “rooms” because we checked in on Sunday and checked out on Tuesday and went to lunch after packing up the car and decided we just couldn’t leave. So we checked back in, unloaded the car and stayed another night and it was so worth it. We had an even better suite and had a large patio all to ourselves. We drank some wine and played with the dogs and just relaxed. We finally drove home Wednesday morning and got back in the grind but not without some new content for my website. You know that even on my birthday getaway I can’t resist filming a few scenes for my fans. I love it.


I had only a few days home before leaving again with my sister down to Oceanside early Friday morning. I barely unpacked before packing again and heading down to see my niece. Our hotel room had a beautiful ocean view, and best of all, AC that worked awesome. It was unusually hot for the beach and our room was super chill just how I like it. Everything went great down south and we spent one day at the beach with the kids. The tide was really strong so my sister and my niece and myself were on heavy life guard duty since we were there with a 4 year old and 7 year old. When I wasn’t on duty I had a few hours of just playing in the surf with my sister and caught some good boogie board rides since the waves were really big.


My sister and I returned back to my home Sunday afternoon and we cooked dinner, watched some TV and passed out. Neither one of us have played in the surf all day long in years so we were pretty tuckered out. She unfortunately left too soon and drove back to Vegas early on Monday. I was gearing up to packing for my 3rd trip when my friend and I decided to postpone me going to Oregon until later in October and it was a good thing because by Wednesday I was sick as a dog. Funny how things worked out that way. I would hate to be out of town and feeling as poorly as I did. I went to see the doctor and now I am feeling much better. I tried doing it the holistic way and then after a few days of misery I finally broke down and got some antibiotics which I only use as a last ditch effort. I think our society has completely over used antibiotics causing major problems and leading to the ineffectiveness of those drugs.

Now I am well into my recovery and even had a nice belated birthday get together with Ryan’s family yesterday. I am truly fortunate to have in-laws that I adore. Ryan’s Grandmother is simply adorable. At 84 she has her own iMac, iPad, iPhone and knows how to use Uber. She’s also a very snappy dresser and is so fun to be around. I hope I’m that youthful and exuberant when I am her age, I hope to reach her age!

So today is Labor Day. All the employees have a paid holiday and Ryan is working tirelessly editing and such in the office by himself and I am at home catching up on work and writing my blog and even though we aren’t at a picnic or at the beach, I feel grateful to have the freedom we do have with our business and working on everyone else’s day off is no big deal at all. It doesn’t feel like work when you are doing what you love and no one is telling you that you have to work. So I hope everyone is having a great day whether you are at play or at work. Be safe and if you have a little time on your hands, be sure and check out out my new updates on


I’m 48, Holy Shit!

August 26th, 2015


I don’t think there is enough olive oil in the world to keep me young but it doesn’t stop me from trying to slow down the clock. I just got back from a few days rest and relaxation and did a little bit of work, as in work I mean doing 2 nasty videos for you, hee hee, and now on my actual birthday I am ready to get back to work.

The media sensation of “Women of the Middle East” is still kicking butt. It went viral on the Internet so that’s a first for any of our productions. And so far the response has been great. Everything is going quite well as far as business is concerned and we came out this week with “Wanderlust” which was an idea I had about travel and cock hungry young women and what adventures they may find on the road.

Since my sister’s passing I sort of threw myself into our productions and now it is time to take care of some other pressing business issues like my website and putting together some fun stuff for the holidays for all my wonderful and loyal members. I love Halloween and it is just around the corner. Hmm, maybe Nurse Kelly needs to be brought back to life? I know just the Doctor to help me do it.


Thank you to everyone for the kind birthday emails today. I actually feel younger than I did last year. I definitely feel more grounded and less stressed. So many wonderful events are happening on the personal front. This weekend I am spending it with my sister Judi who is driving in from Vegas and we are then traveling down to Carlsbad for a day or two to visit her daughter. Then we are hopping on a train and visiting our aunt in Ventura. Next week I am flying up to Oregon to visit my dear friend Kristy and her wife Tina and their adorable kids. My life sort of sounds like the movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I have to say I can’t complain I do love to travel. Plus I get to do a meet and greet for LEVEL magazine. I am happy to say Kristy’s magazine is doing great, check it out online here: LEVEL

This is the 3rd issue and I love writing for it. The next issue is in print right now. I wrote an article addressing a question from a subscriber on how to re-ignite his sex life with his wife. I loved tackling that issue, being married for 8 years and in a relationship for 16 and co-owning a business together the whole time has given me a lot of insight on how to keep a love affair going strong and it isn’t easy. No matter what you happen to do for a living. I’ll publish it on my site once it is out in print.

The article below is the first one I wrote back in May that I posted earlier on my blog.


I’ll get the other articles I wrote up in the next few days and give you a blow by blow of my Birthday / Dog holiday that I had in Rancho Santa Fe the last few days. Kisses and I am now going to go do Pilates, take a long hot shower, open a bottle of birthday wine and get some of these emails answered.

“Women of the Middle East”

July 20th, 2015


Our new DVD, “Women of the Middle East” is ready for release. Here is a trailer for the movie.

I just did an interview for and and we are really getting some mainstream media attention. Just so everyone knows, this isn’t a movie making fun of Allah or the Muslim religion in any way shape or form. I am not trying to incite another Charlie Hebdo incident. It is rather just my way making an entertaining porn movie with a little bit of social commentary on women’s rights. But again, this is porn, this is tantalizing, taboo yes, but for entertainment and sexual satisfaction, not a documentary on the plight of these women.

We start the video off by saying “For a Middle Eastern Woman, veiling is not just a way to suppress her from having sexual freedom. It is a symbol for all of the human rights violations against these women, such as rape and domestic violence. Take the veils off!”

This movie is a message of empowerment for women all over the world who have their sexual freedoms denied in the name of religion, politics or patriarchal traditions.


For the scene with Karmen Bella I imagined a rebel post somewhere in war torn Afghanistan, not quite as extreme or cruel as Isis but an all female Robin Hood type renegade group that are striking back at the civil leaders taking foreign aid money and stuffing their own pockets with it, meanwhile, suppressing women and girls from going to school and all the other human rights atrocities. Karmen grabs one the civil leaders, played by my husband Ryan and hauls him to her camp like a dog. He is submissive at first but then this is porn, and they had to find some common ground inside the tent.

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In the scene with Nadia I wanted to show the oppression in a country like Saudi Arabia. Nadia is a doting Saudi wife who follows her husband to America only to find her still shackled to the same rules as at home. So even in the land of freedom she must cover her face in public, cannot drive a car, and must do whatever her husband wishes or expect punishment. I loved the twist at the end of the scene when after he threatens to stone her for taking the car and driving herself, spanks her and then violently makes love to her only to discover at the end that she had snuck away and drove to the dry cleaners to get his clothes for him, the ever loving and devoted and submissive wife.

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I personally think the laws in Saudi Arabia are ridiculous. There still is not one single law on the books protecting women. Not from rape, violence, or being killed. Not one! And the amount of domestic violence is absurd. There are many organizations trying to bring the awareness to the public, even a campaign in Saudi Arabia. The campaign ad portrays a face-covered woman with only her eyes showing, one of which is bruised. The translation of the Arabic message of the ad reads: “What is hidden underneath is much bigger.” However, the sentence should refer to what is hidden deep inside the laws of the kingdom and not under the facial covers.


Our third scene with Arabelle Raphael is the embodiment of a beautiful Middle Eastern woman in all her glory so of course, what did we do? We put her in a sexy belly dancing outfit.
Fantasty bellydance scene, gotta have it, plus she is 1/2 Iranian and 1/2 Tunisian. She is the real deal. I just really wanted one scene with a gorgeous woman dancing around and then having sex. Call it a personal fantasy of mine.


The last scene shows something not commonly played out on screen which is prostitution in the Middle East. It is increasingly common for young girls to enter into prostitution in countries such as Jordan and Lebanon mainly due to the fact that are refugees and in great need of money. There is also an increase of prostitution in Iraq after the Iraqui war. The country has been taken back to the stone age so what are these women to do to provide food and shelter for themselves and their loved ones? There has always been prostituion in that region, some of it glamorous like the high end call girls who work in Europe and the Middle East and those forced into it as a means of survival or even human trafficking that occurs but I wanted to show this taboo practice. In a society which is so restricting upon women there is a marketplace for prostitution juxtaposed with having to wear a naqib to the hotel room to service your John. Oh yeah, I also showed her drinking alcohol which is forbidden in the Muslim religion just for the fun of it.

Again, I am in no way making fun of a religion. There are many women who chose to wear the traditional burka or naqib, but for those who are forced to wear them for fear of sexual abuse on the streets or fear of being beaten at home, this was my way of exposing that ludicrous behavior and showing these beautiful women as sexual beings with needs and desires of their own.

And life goes on

June 28th, 2015

On a much happier and life inspiring note, my dear friend Kristy published her first edition of her magazine, LEVEL ONE which came out a few weeks ago in Bend, Oregon. I am honored to be a contributing writer. Kristy is an author, blogger, public speaker and radio show host. Her blog, “The Top Ten Rules to Marriage” went viral in 2013, which subsequently landed her very first book deal, and a radio show, which reaches from San Francisco to Dallas, Texas every Thursday evening. She has roughly 100,000 collective social media followers and is one of the most successful relationship bloggers on the web with over 5 million readers in the past 3 years. She is also the creator of Echo Smedia, a social media networking and consulting firm in Bend and has taken her writing skills to the magazine publishing world. She has already begun efforts to produce her magazine around the country. Not to be typecast, but I am a writer for the her sex and relationships section.

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I was so happy when she asked me. So the first month is out and so far she tells me I’ve been getting good reviews. IF you care to read my “advice”, here it is:

I always find it an honor and quite frankly, it takes me aback when someone asks me for my advice. Even after 15 years in the “Sex Industry” I still don’t consider myself an expert, well experienced maybe, I’ll give myself that, but I suppose I do have an insight from my own dealings with my husband that I can share with others in case, in some crazy way, my limited knowledge may help them.

So let’s get sexting, I mean started, I mean writing! I was asked a question by a fan who admitted she hasn’t had sex with her husband in over 5 years and to paraphrase, feels that it would now be awkward and seeks advice on how to get their sex life back on track. She wants knowledge on how to make him want her again.

To tackle this is to approach the situation on a much deeper, personal level I have only one question:

1. Are you attracted to you?

Sounds strange to ask it but I feel all sexuality from how you feel to how you come off to others is all about yourself and that private relationship you have with the most important person in your life – yourself. When I “feel fat” or unattractive or tired or lazy the last thing on my mind is “ooh, I want to fuck”. Now let me address the “feel fat” comment. That has nothing to do with being some fairy tale perfect size. That is an over-used term used by skinny people to define their lack of self worth. So I know a lot of truly fat people that love their body and get way more action then I ever did. I’ll continue.

So are you attracted to you? Do you put on your clothes or walk by a mirror and go, “damn I’d hit that”? If you can’t answer that with a simple yes, then it is time to start working on your own self worth and your own sexual relationship with you before hopping into bed with anyone, especially your husband. Other people aren’t supposed to make you feel sexy, you feel sexy and then that sexual energy exudes from within. When that happens, you have to swat ‘em off like flies. So let’s work on getting sexy.

2. Be comfortable in your own skin.

Let’s start with how to feel sexy again naked. I for one can’t ignore my body and not take care of it and then demand of it to work properly in bed. Again, regardless of size, exercising the body really does stabilize the hormones needed for proper sexual arousal and just being in touch with your physical self enables you to connect with another person’s physical self. Do some stretching, take a walk, just get the blood flowing and the hormones working properly. If you are already an avid exerciser, that too could be a detriment to your libido. Yes, actually over exercising can cause your hormones to be out of whack and turn off your sexual desires. A lot of runners experience this so find your balance. And no one thing works for all people. Listen to your body and know what you are capable of. Don’t set your self up for failure and tell yourself that you are going to go to the gym for an hour a day every week if you haven’t worked out in a few years. You will only hate yourself more. And I don’t know anyone that hate fucks themselves.

3. Look the part.

Wear clothes that make you feel sexy. Now if you have gotten into a bad habit of comfort only, STOP IT. You can be sexy and comfortable but just putting that little extra effort into how you look each day, especially around your mate, makes you feel sexier. Grooming is also important, make yourself ready for sex. Shaving, bathing, grooming, it all sets the mood in your subconscious that “hey baby, I’m ready anytime you are”.

4. Get in touch with what turns you on.

Read a sexy novel, watch a sexy movie. Get your mind and soul ready for sex. What you focus on, you create. A great friend taught me that : ) so let’s focus on what you are thinking about. DO NOT approach the situation that he isn’t attracted to you. If you were to be really honest, can you answer my first question yes? So don’t come from this position of less than. Instead, tackle it as “I am responsible for how I feel sexually and for what my sex life has become”. Feeling victimized just prolongs the agony, trust me, I know. I have tried to blame it on my husband in the past and it got me nowhere. I was the one guilty of sending off bad vibes because I wasn’t attracted to myself. So get attracted to yourself. Masturbate, get yourself off, dress a little sexier, walk a little taller, be approachable. And if you have the balls for it, ask for it. Yes, ask your partner for sex. Or better yet, offer a hand job. No real fear of rejection there, most men will take a hand job offer readily. Be ready with some lubricant and just tell him you want to try out something you read on an online magazine. Show him you are ready for a sexual relationship again and consider the hand job a peace offering, a willingness to start that part of your relationship up again, but don’t do this until you are centered with yourself.

If you work on making yourself sexy, in your mind, body and soul then what you will create is a happy person who is ready to share their self with another. That is what is really important. If your husband doesn’t respond to the new and improved sexual you and you are truly honest with yourself that it isn’t coming from your own insecurities then it is time to seek some outside professional help. But do your homework first.


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