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I’m 48, Holy Shit!

August 26th, 2015


I don’t think there is enough olive oil in the world to keep me young but it doesn’t stop me from trying to slow down the clock. I just got back from a few days rest and relaxation and did a little bit of work, as in work I mean doing 2 nasty videos for you, hee hee, and now on my actual birthday I am ready to get back to work.

The media sensation of “Women of the Middle East” is still kicking butt. It went viral on the Internet so that’s a first for any of our productions. And so far the response has been great. Everything is going quite well as far as business is concerned and we came out this week with “Wanderlust” which was an idea I had about travel and cock hungry young women and what adventures they may find on the road.

Since my sister’s passing I sort of threw myself into our productions and now it is time to take care of some other pressing business issues like my website and putting together some fun stuff for the holidays for all my wonderful and loyal members. I love Halloween and it is just around the corner. Hmm, maybe Nurse Kelly needs to be brought back to life? I know just the Doctor to help me do it.


Thank you to everyone for the kind birthday emails today. I actually feel younger than I did last year. I definitely feel more grounded and less stressed. So many wonderful events are happening on the personal front. This weekend I am spending it with my sister Judi who is driving in from Vegas and we are then traveling down to Carlsbad for a day or two to visit her daughter. Then we are hopping on a train and visiting our aunt in Ventura. Next week I am flying up to Oregon to visit my dear friend Kristy and her wife Tina and their adorable kids. My life sort of sounds like the movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I have to say I can’t complain I do love to travel. Plus I get to do a meet and greet for LEVEL magazine. I am happy to say Kristy’s magazine is doing great, check it out online here: LEVEL

This is the 3rd issue and I love writing for it. The next issue is in print right now. I wrote an article addressing a question from a subscriber on how to re-ignite his sex life with his wife. I loved tackling that issue, being married for 8 years and in a relationship for 16 and co-owning a business together the whole time has given me a lot of insight on how to keep a love affair going strong and it isn’t easy. No matter what you happen to do for a living. I’ll publish it on my site once it is out in print.

The article below is the first one I wrote back in May that I posted earlier on my blog.


I’ll get the other articles I wrote up in the next few days and give you a blow by blow of my Birthday / Dog holiday that I had in Rancho Santa Fe the last few days. Kisses and I am now going to go do Pilates, take a long hot shower, open a bottle of birthday wine and get some of these emails answered.

“Women of the Middle East”

July 20th, 2015


Our new DVD, “Women of the Middle East” is ready for release. Here is a trailer for the movie.

I just did an interview for and and we are really getting some mainstream media attention. Just so everyone knows, this isn’t a movie making fun of Allah or the Muslim religion in any way shape or form. I am not trying to incite another Charlie Hebdo incident. It is rather just my way making an entertaining porn movie with a little bit of social commentary on women’s rights. But again, this is porn, this is tantalizing, taboo yes, but for entertainment and sexual satisfaction, not a documentary on the plight of these women.

We start the video off by saying “For a Middle Eastern Woman, veiling is not just a way to suppress her from having sexual freedom. It is a symbol for all of the human rights violations against these women, such as rape and domestic violence. Take the veils off!”

This movie is a message of empowerment for women all over the world who have their sexual freedoms denied in the name of religion, politics or patriarchal traditions.


For the scene with Karmen Bella I imagined a rebel post somewhere in war torn Afghanistan, not quite as extreme or cruel as Isis but an all female Robin Hood type renegade group that are striking back at the civil leaders taking foreign aid money and stuffing their own pockets with it, meanwhile, suppressing women and girls from going to school and all the other human rights atrocities. Karmen grabs one the civil leaders, played by my husband Ryan and hauls him to her camp like a dog. He is submissive at first but then this is porn, and they had to find some common ground inside the tent.

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In the scene with Nadia I wanted to show the oppression in a country like Saudi Arabia. Nadia is a doting Saudi wife who follows her husband to America only to find her still shackled to the same rules as at home. So even in the land of freedom she must cover her face in public, cannot drive a car, and must do whatever her husband wishes or expect punishment. I loved the twist at the end of the scene when after he threatens to stone her for taking the car and driving herself, spanks her and then violently makes love to her only to discover at the end that she had snuck away and drove to the dry cleaners to get his clothes for him, the ever loving and devoted and submissive wife.

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I personally think the laws in Saudi Arabia are ridiculous. There still is not one single law on the books protecting women. Not from rape, violence, or being killed. Not one! And the amount of domestic violence is absurd. There are many organizations trying to bring the awareness to the public, even a campaign in Saudi Arabia. The campaign ad portrays a face-covered woman with only her eyes showing, one of which is bruised. The translation of the Arabic message of the ad reads: “What is hidden underneath is much bigger.” However, the sentence should refer to what is hidden deep inside the laws of the kingdom and not under the facial covers.


Our third scene with Arabelle Raphael is the embodiment of a beautiful Middle Eastern woman in all her glory so of course, what did we do? We put her in a sexy belly dancing outfit.
Fantasty bellydance scene, gotta have it, plus she is 1/2 Iranian and 1/2 Tunisian. She is the real deal. I just really wanted one scene with a gorgeous woman dancing around and then having sex. Call it a personal fantasy of mine.


The last scene shows something not commonly played out on screen which is prostitution in the Middle East. It is increasingly common for young girls to enter into prostitution in countries such as Jordan and Lebanon mainly due to the fact that are refugees and in great need of money. There is also an increase of prostitution in Iraq after the Iraqui war. The country has been taken back to the stone age so what are these women to do to provide food and shelter for themselves and their loved ones? There has always been prostituion in that region, some of it glamorous like the high end call girls who work in Europe and the Middle East and those forced into it as a means of survival or even human trafficking that occurs but I wanted to show this taboo practice. In a society which is so restricting upon women there is a marketplace for prostitution juxtaposed with having to wear a naqib to the hotel room to service your John. Oh yeah, I also showed her drinking alcohol which is forbidden in the Muslim religion just for the fun of it.

Again, I am in no way making fun of a religion. There are many women who chose to wear the traditional burka or naqib, but for those who are forced to wear them for fear of sexual abuse on the streets or fear of being beaten at home, this was my way of exposing that ludicrous behavior and showing these beautiful women as sexual beings with needs and desires of their own.

And life goes on

June 28th, 2015

On a much happier and life inspiring note, my dear friend Kristy published her first edition of her magazine, LEVEL ONE which came out a few weeks ago in Bend, Oregon. I am honored to be a contributing writer. Kristy is an author, blogger, public speaker and radio show host. Her blog, “The Top Ten Rules to Marriage” went viral in 2013, which subsequently landed her very first book deal, and a radio show, which reaches from San Francisco to Dallas, Texas every Thursday evening. She has roughly 100,000 collective social media followers and is one of the most successful relationship bloggers on the web with over 5 million readers in the past 3 years. She is also the creator of Echo Smedia, a social media networking and consulting firm in Bend and has taken her writing skills to the magazine publishing world. She has already begun efforts to produce her magazine around the country. Not to be typecast, but I am a writer for the her sex and relationships section.

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I was so happy when she asked me. So the first month is out and so far she tells me I’ve been getting good reviews. IF you care to read my “advice”, here it is:

I always find it an honor and quite frankly, it takes me aback when someone asks me for my advice. Even after 15 years in the “Sex Industry” I still don’t consider myself an expert, well experienced maybe, I’ll give myself that, but I suppose I do have an insight from my own dealings with my husband that I can share with others in case, in some crazy way, my limited knowledge may help them.

So let’s get sexting, I mean started, I mean writing! I was asked a question by a fan who admitted she hasn’t had sex with her husband in over 5 years and to paraphrase, feels that it would now be awkward and seeks advice on how to get their sex life back on track. She wants knowledge on how to make him want her again.

To tackle this is to approach the situation on a much deeper, personal level I have only one question:

1. Are you attracted to you?

Sounds strange to ask it but I feel all sexuality from how you feel to how you come off to others is all about yourself and that private relationship you have with the most important person in your life – yourself. When I “feel fat” or unattractive or tired or lazy the last thing on my mind is “ooh, I want to fuck”. Now let me address the “feel fat” comment. That has nothing to do with being some fairy tale perfect size. That is an over-used term used by skinny people to define their lack of self worth. So I know a lot of truly fat people that love their body and get way more action then I ever did. I’ll continue.

So are you attracted to you? Do you put on your clothes or walk by a mirror and go, “damn I’d hit that”? If you can’t answer that with a simple yes, then it is time to start working on your own self worth and your own sexual relationship with you before hopping into bed with anyone, especially your husband. Other people aren’t supposed to make you feel sexy, you feel sexy and then that sexual energy exudes from within. When that happens, you have to swat ‘em off like flies. So let’s work on getting sexy.

2. Be comfortable in your own skin.

Let’s start with how to feel sexy again naked. I for one can’t ignore my body and not take care of it and then demand of it to work properly in bed. Again, regardless of size, exercising the body really does stabilize the hormones needed for proper sexual arousal and just being in touch with your physical self enables you to connect with another person’s physical self. Do some stretching, take a walk, just get the blood flowing and the hormones working properly. If you are already an avid exerciser, that too could be a detriment to your libido. Yes, actually over exercising can cause your hormones to be out of whack and turn off your sexual desires. A lot of runners experience this so find your balance. And no one thing works for all people. Listen to your body and know what you are capable of. Don’t set your self up for failure and tell yourself that you are going to go to the gym for an hour a day every week if you haven’t worked out in a few years. You will only hate yourself more. And I don’t know anyone that hate fucks themselves.

3. Look the part.

Wear clothes that make you feel sexy. Now if you have gotten into a bad habit of comfort only, STOP IT. You can be sexy and comfortable but just putting that little extra effort into how you look each day, especially around your mate, makes you feel sexier. Grooming is also important, make yourself ready for sex. Shaving, bathing, grooming, it all sets the mood in your subconscious that “hey baby, I’m ready anytime you are”.

4. Get in touch with what turns you on.

Read a sexy novel, watch a sexy movie. Get your mind and soul ready for sex. What you focus on, you create. A great friend taught me that : ) so let’s focus on what you are thinking about. DO NOT approach the situation that he isn’t attracted to you. If you were to be really honest, can you answer my first question yes? So don’t come from this position of less than. Instead, tackle it as “I am responsible for how I feel sexually and for what my sex life has become”. Feeling victimized just prolongs the agony, trust me, I know. I have tried to blame it on my husband in the past and it got me nowhere. I was the one guilty of sending off bad vibes because I wasn’t attracted to myself. So get attracted to yourself. Masturbate, get yourself off, dress a little sexier, walk a little taller, be approachable. And if you have the balls for it, ask for it. Yes, ask your partner for sex. Or better yet, offer a hand job. No real fear of rejection there, most men will take a hand job offer readily. Be ready with some lubricant and just tell him you want to try out something you read on an online magazine. Show him you are ready for a sexual relationship again and consider the hand job a peace offering, a willingness to start that part of your relationship up again, but don’t do this until you are centered with yourself.

If you work on making yourself sexy, in your mind, body and soul then what you will create is a happy person who is ready to share their self with another. That is what is really important. If your husband doesn’t respond to the new and improved sexual you and you are truly honest with yourself that it isn’t coming from your own insecurities then it is time to seek some outside professional help. But do your homework first.


Saying Goodbye again and too soon…

June 28th, 2015

As I was busily planning my sister’s memorial, Ryan’s cousin’s husband and father of 3 beautiful children fell and hit is head and went into a coma and never came out. This all happened a few weeks ago. It was difficult for either of us to handle, we visited him in the hospital and had to witness our family in so much pain that I couldn’t find the words to write about it in my blog. One thing I know for sure, he was loved. Craig Diamond had more friends than anyone I know. The entire community of Long Beach came together for him as well as his friends in Seal Beach that did a charity auction for his wife and children this past week. The funeral was on Friday and the church wasn’t big enough to fit all who attended. So many people donated their time, their money, their energy to put the various events together. Craig’s death was so sudden and tragic, he was only 41, the only provider for his family, and just about the nicest, most helpful guy you could ever meet. I’ll miss his big smile, his deep voice, his quietly confident demeanor, and his beautiful way of not judging anyone.

Craig left behind his wife who was a stay at home mother and his three beautiful children. Everyone has come together to help out the family not only with their love and support but financially. Here is a link to one of the fundraising efforts for the Diamond Family.

Saying Goodbye & Saying Hello

June 27th, 2015

Exactly a week ago we celebrated my sister Cheryl’s life and dispersed her ashes into the ocean. I began to plan her memorial several months ago but then I had brushed it aside, not wanting to explore those feelings I suppose and not wanting the finalization that her death was permanent. I hope that makes sense to those that have experienced similar feelings when it comes to losing a loved one, it is not quite denial, yet nowhere near acceptance. Kind of a dull sad cloud that follows you around. The one shining aspect of the entire memorial was that all of us “caregivers” were going to be together for our final goodbye to Cheryl. I rented a beautiful home in Seal Beach and the sisters all stayed there and our dear friend Jim and Derick stayed at a nearby hotel but were with us on Friday evening and all day Saturday. Everyone traveled from far away such as New York, Boise, and Las Vegas yet for me it was a small venture but I packed up my truck and Escalade full of things for the memorial, beach cruisers, food and drinks, and lots of booze. It really looked as if we were moving in for good with all the crap I brought. Oh well, at least no one was without and that is the way Cheryl would have wanted it.

We had a lovely day with only minor hiccups in my plans, but it went smoothly, there was much music and laughter and love. Derick sang for us and if you have ever had the pleasure of having a professional opera singer perform for you in a small space, then you know how powerful and marvelous that experience can be. It brought tears to my eyes each time he sang. My sisters couldn’t have been more loving or more accommodating, each one bringing a different aspect to Cheryl’s life, especially our so-called little sister Traci who was actually Cheryl’s best friend and we sort of adopted her. Jimmy, Cheryl’s best friend growing up was there as well, so again a sort of brother to me and Judi and his presence was like coming home, as he so aptly put it. We all got along beautifully and it was worth all the effort. Cheryl brought us all together and her energy lives on in each of us, drawing us ever closer and for that gift I am forever grateful.

Flash from the Past

May 29th, 2015


I was going through my site looking for some old photos to use for a project and I came across this photo. This was taken on a day when I was shooting with the fabulous Mr. Ed Fox for the cover of Taschen’s “Book of Breasts” by Dian Hansen. I modeled for hours in this exact pose and then again with the bra off. I have no idea how the damn thing stayed on or how I didn’t punch Ed in the gut, oh yeah, I know why, because he is so kind and awesome and a good friend. Well here is the cover re-done in 3D. Thanks to Dian for making it possible for my boobs to be so grandiosely published. She is a good friend as well, I am lucky to have met such wonderful people in my career.

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Happy Memorial Day

May 25th, 2015


Thank you to all that serve our country and to those that have fallen. Today isn’t just about a backyard barbecue party with family and friends, even though that is lots of fun to do, but for us to remember those brave individuals in the military that we have lost. My heart goes out to the family members of our fallen soldiers and today is a great day to also remember all those that came home but with disabilities they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives. We can’t ever turn our backs on them and as a nation, we need to support them in any way we can.

I particularly love this charity,, it is close to my heart. In times of despair I have turned to my dogs for that comfort and unconditional love that only a dog can provide. So get out your wallet and donate what you would pay for a 6-pack of beer today. The vets will thank you! I opted for a cheap $10 a month donation since I give to several other charities but every little bit helps, remember the cost of a 6-pack can give someone in need a companion to change their whole world and save a dog from an animal shelter.


If you care to know…

May 17th, 2015

It seems like I’ve been on bit of a PR kick lately. Luckily it isn’t from just my efforts but that of my awesome PR team and websites coming to me asking me to promote myself so for that I am super fortunate. I recently did an interview, I’ve done hundreds through the years, but I quite especially liked these questions, easy to answer, short and to the point. They are for I hope you enjoy them. I added some photos for embellishment. I enjoyed answering them : )


1. What 3 words do you think best describe you?

Giant Natural Breasts! ha ha

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2. What hidden talents do you have?

I can fit my fist inside my mouth. 


3. What is your ideal Sunday?

Waking up late after shooting for my site all day and night and rolling over with my makeup still on from the night before, hair tossled and make love tom my husband first thing in the morning. Then taking a long hot shower, throwing on some sweats and walking my dogs, cooking, and watching a movie at home. Perfection.


4. What would be your favourite meal?

Abalone is my favorite, can’t find it anywhere nowadays but if not abalone then Persian or Greek food, anything Mediterranean. Here is a photo from a little restaurant on the beach on the island of Santorini in Greece.


And this is a photo from a dinner Ryan and I enjoyed while in Athens, that’s the Acropolis in the background. I just love Greece.


5. Who would be your 5 ideal dinner party guests?

Barack Obama, Madeline Albright, Bill Clinton, Oprah and the late Nelson Mandela, give me 6 and I’ll throw in the Dali Lama : )

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6. What is your favourite drink on a night out?

I prefer red wine but it makes my teeth purple so I usually go with a nice pinot grigio or a sauvignon blanc. Nothing too fruity.


7. What pets do you have?

I used to have 3 dogs and a guinea pig and 2 parakeets but their journey here on earth ended so now I am just left with 2 dogs, both adorable rescue puppies that are 1/2 Bassett hound so they are long and stumpy, so cute.


8. What is your attitude to money – spender or saver?

Saver, totally. Growing up we never had a home of our own so I have sort of over done it with buying several properties and I love stashing away money in my retirement accounts.


9. What’s the first thing you’d buy if you won $100,000?

Save it, 100k isn’t shit these days, sadly so. Being elderly and poor is something hopefully I will never be. Plus I have family to worry about as well and I feel responsible to take care of their needs.


10. What is your favourite sports team?

Whomever is playing the team at Super Bowl that my husband is betting on.


11. What’s your favorite holiday destination?

Going out of town to a football game the weekend of Thanksgiving. So we have turkey on Thursday with the family and then get on a plane early Friday to a city where the home team is playing. We go and become total fans of that home team and go buy all the shirts, hats, etc., even take tours of the stadiums. My husband I do this every year, last year we went to Green Bay, it was awesome.


12. Where would you most like to live?

Carmel or Monterey , dream house would be on 17 mile drive.


13. What is your weekly exercise regime?

I walk the dogs every day up and down our steep hill we live on, I also do pilates and elliptical all in my home gym a few times a week if I’m a good girl, I hate going to gyms, won’t do it, can’t make me. Oh yeah, and my oldie but goodie answer, sex and beer!


14. What’s the best book you’ve read? Well, not the photo of that book but my dear friend Richard Prince’s edition of “Catcher in the Rye”.

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15. What’s the best movie you’ve seen?

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo


16. What gadget could you not live without?

A wine bottle opener. No really, it would be my iMac, I’m in love with that thing.


17. What’s your favourite website?

Of course it is so I can watch my husband fuck really hot girls. That’s a big turn on for me. A close 2nd to that is Amazon. Really that site makes my life as art director of our productions much easier. So Pornfidelity and Prime!

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18. Who is your favourite person to follow on Twitter?

Deepak Chopra


19. What is your biggest achievement in life?

Creating my own production company with the love of my life.

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20. What is your biggest regret in life?

Not buying Apple stock when it was dirt cheap.


21. What was the best day of your life?

My wedding day.

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22. What was the worst day of your life?

The day my mother died in 2001. I was not only her daughter but her caretaker and we battled her health issues for many years before losing her. I felt a sense of loss and failure so double whammy.


23. Who is your hero?

Danni Ashe, she inspired me to do this business 16 years ago. Without her I would have never had a career.


24. Who are you most jealous of?

Angelina Jolie, who isn’t?


25. What type of people do you try to avoid?

Prejudiced people, fucking hate them, I mean I really do. Sounds hypocritical but it isn’t. I may be pre-judging them for being prejudiced but come on, if you got to hate someone, hate the haters.


26. What do you like to do in your free time?

I don’t have a lot of time but I do love to travel almost every other month I try to go somewhere. We  just went to Napa Valley a few weeks ago for our anniversary, so traveling combined with drinking wine is high on my list right now.

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27. What is the best piece of advice you ever received?

What you focus on you create so watch what you focus on. My good friend Kristy taught me that.


28. What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken?

Quitting my lucrative commercial printing sales job for a punk ass 22 year old kid who wanted to start a porn business withe ZERO experience.


29. What was the best joke you ever heard?

Funny jokes said aloud are cool but I like visual ones, I love a good political cartoonist or even the silly T Rex jokes, love them, can’t get enough of them. Oh and the dog shaming shit is hysterical, brings me to tears.


30. Tell us something about you that may surprise us.

I wanted to be doctor, I was a biology major in school until I had to quit to take care of my father with Alzheimer’s at 20. So this day I diagnose all my friends and family and I’m quite good at it. I am looking into alternative healing arts as a future career.


What I love about my 34FF breasts…

May 5th, 2015

Fleshbot asked me to give them 5 examples of why I love my breasts. It sort of took me aback because I don’t usually brag about “How much I looooove myself” or expound on how I appear but I given my career I should love these breasts of mine. So this is what I said:


1. First and foremost, these 34FF natural breasts made me famous! Which is ironic because when I was younger I contemplated a breast reduction so that I could be taken seriously in the business world, prior to my engaging in the adult industry. My Mother had her large breasts removed so it was always an option for me, obviously not any longer, unless I want to retire ; )


2. My 34FF breasts have come to define me and rather than fight it, I love it. I am so happy that my body is so different than most women. It makes me unique and sets me apart. Growing older makes me appreciate this so much more than my ignorance of my youth, wanting to be like all the other girls.


3. My 34FF breasts got me my husband. Just ask him, he is such a breast man and even admits he fell in love with them at first sight. Plus I can be very bossy and opinionated so having these large breasts keeps him from kicking me out of the house.

4. My 34FF breasts allow me more leeway in gaining and losing 5 to 10 pounds. They get a tiny bit bigger but pretty much stay the same and having these large breasts sometimes camouflages a few pounds around the middle. And as a nude model, having some sort of freedom time to time in how my body appears is a gift in itself. So basically big tits allows you to gain a few pounds and no one seems to mind, just as long as when I lose those ten pounds the breasts stay large and full and round.


5. I would love to say it is easy to find clothes that fit me but I would be amiss. I do however enjoy getting dressed up and feeling sexy and having large breasts can make a boring snug fitting sweater dress look really good. Could I then say that these tig ‘ol bitties are a fashion accessory? I think so. Big breasts can make even a boring old t-shirt look sexy. So for that I am very grateful.


That’s about it, I think most women have a love/hate relationship with their breasts. When I want to go golfing – hate ‘em, when I get dressed up and I am shooting content for my site – love ‘em.

Life goes on

March 29th, 2015


I have been home a week now since returning from Vegas. I still can’t believe everything that has happened but after licking my wounds this week I have decided the best tribute to my sister is to take care of myself. That was a very difficult thing for her to do and I can hear her in my ear whispering to me to go work out, drink my green drinks, take the dogs for a walk, everything she couldn’t do and can no longer ever do. So today I got my lazy butt on the elliptical, guzzled down some green thick crap Ryan made in the Vitamix, and I’m taking the dogs to the park tonight. It is way too hot to go outside during the day, 85 degrees in March, are you f#@*ing kidding me? I will return to shooting content this coming week, I thought I could last week, but who was I kidding? I got the makeup on and my hair just right and I couldn’t go through with it. It wasn’t as though I was crying, I just had no steam. I’ll have another go at it tomorrow so wish me luck. I mean, come on, a girls gotta work, you know.

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