I have been home a week now since returning from Vegas. I still can’t believe everything that has happened but after licking my wounds this week I have decided the best tribute to my sister is to take care of myself. That was a very difficult thing for her to do and I can hear her in my ear whispering to me to go work out, drink my green drinks, take the dogs for a walk, everything she couldn’t do and can no longer ever do. So today I got my lazy butt on the elliptical, guzzled down some green thick crap Ryan made in the Vitamix, and I’m taking the dogs to the park tonight. It is way too hot to go outside during the day, 85 degrees in March, are you f#@*ing kidding me? I will return to shooting content this coming week, I thought I could last week, but who was I kidding? I got the makeup on and my hair just right and I couldn’t go through with it. It wasn’t as though I was crying, I just had no steam. I’ll have another go at it tomorrow so wish me luck. I mean, come on, a girls gotta work, you know.
To say my sister lived life to the fullest is an understatement. Cheryl Baldwin had a personality and wit and gift for bringing joy to others like no one I have ever known. She was always the one who wanted a party, wanted to bring cheer and give gifts, wanted to be the helper and savior to all those she loved, and at the end, we just couldn’t save her no matter how hard we tried or how hard we loved her.
The support and love of my family got me through all this, especially my sister Judi. Cheryl had been hospitalized or in a group home under hospice care for over 5 months which can put a strain on any family, and with the care falling mainly on my sister Judi, it was no easy task.
Cheryl’s friends also came to not only her aid, but to mine as well. Even in her passing, the most beautiful words of comfort came from her dear friend Jim and his forwarding of messages from friends of theirs.
“The residual of Cheryl’s being will linger throughout our memories. Her spirit is now free, not bound by space or time any longer, and now resides in a place of peace that surpasses our understanding.”
As I was there with her on her last day March 17th, alone in her room. I played Fleetwood Mac and Eagles and our favorites from when we were young. She couldn’t speak that day but lay there with her eyes closed. I knew she could hear me and every once in awhile squeezed my hand. I played the music loud in order to drown out the annoying sound of the her oxygen machine. I sang to her, I cried to her and said everything in the world I could ever want to communicate to my dear sister. I told Jim what I was doing and he was so supportive, he sent me the words to an Eagles song. Cheryl and Jim attended an Eagles concert together back in 1976 which was one of my sister’s fondest memories.
“I wish you peace when times are hard.
A light to guide you through the dark.
And when storms are high and your dreams are low,
I wish you the strength to grown on,
I wish you the strength to let love flow…”
I am so thankful not only for all the love and support of all those that cared for her but for the gift of how she passed. I had left to go eat around 7PM on Tuesday, letting her ex Marc have some precious moments alone with her. After he left my sister Judi and I got a call from the home alerting us to fact that her breathing had changed dramatically. The two of us rushed over and we held her hands, spoke to her and told her how much we loved her. Then amazingly, after over 24 hours of not moving or even opening her eyes, her eyes opened wide and she turned to look at Judi and then turned to me and kept her glaze on me for quite a while and then once again turned to Judi and then peacefully closed her eyes, her breathing became soft and a look of peace came upon her for the first time and then she gently slipped away as a tear fell from her right eye.
Good bye my beautiful sister. You just lived life TOO big, TOO fast, TOO much, so therefore you used up all the energy allotted for one life and so you had to leave me TOO soon. I love you Cheryl.
So I am alive and well, actually doing quite well and recovering from my severe exhaustion I suffered a week ago. It all sort of hit me on a physical and emotional level with everything going on. But me, personally I am doing great now and ready to be a part of the living again, I have been so consumed with my dying sister there is little laughter and love and happiness in my soul lately and I appreciate everyone’s patience with me.
Bad news first, my sister has been hospitalized unable to get out of bed now since October 22nd of 2014. She is now in a wonderful Group Home and being taken care of by an equally wonderful Hospice center who is taking care of all her medical needs. I never knew finding a good place for a loved one could be so difficult and so expensive. Thank god my schedule is flexible and I make good money, how do other people do it? My Mother was ill but even with my meager earnings back in the day she was much easier to care for. My sister is a 24/7 job. My sister Judi visits her daily after working a long day and the only break she gets is when my sister’s ex visits her which he does on Sundays and Tuesdays and she gets a break of course when I am in town. I’m afraid I’m going to lose two sisters if this keeps up.
Great news next, all is going well in my personal life. My dogs are great, my husband fabulous, my business flowing along splendidly and things are all coming together quite nicely. I just need some time to take care of myself which of course I find difficult to do. I plan on going out to Vegas this coming week, sadly it might be my last time with Cheryl because of her declining health, but I will be able to spend some much needed time with my niece’s son. He is going to be 4 this July and I haven’t been able to be there for him or for my niece Amanda these past few years. It has all been about Cheryl and I need to start focusing on the living and my future with my family. We are at the end of the day, all we have. So I am going to repair the relationship I have with myself and start taking care of me and extending out a helping hand to my lovely niece and her adorable son.
As far as what is going on sexy wise in my life, well, I have been doing some shoots for my site and keeping that active. We have been doing some amateur travel stuff along with a few 4K scenes and I plan on doing some more 4K stuff this month. I have a long overdue 1000th scene to film and I got a wonderful offer from a secret person to participate in it with me. That really made me happy. She happens to not only be a past lover, but a friend! A great friend who I never get to spend any time with. So I better take her up on her offer and fast!
I haven’t blogged in so long and I am such a bad bad girl. Well here are some photos from my recent website entries. I may not be the best “blogger” but I am a very good web girl and I never fail at updating my site every week with new content and I have been doing it for almost 15 years now.
Do you fucking believe it is already Two Thousand and fifteen? That’s my saying for the year. Where oh where has father time gone? Oh where oh where can he be? I celebrated Christmas with no sleep, drove to Vegas to be with my sister, came home and leased some way too expensive Macs for Ryan, bought him a new Escalade, handled all the end of the year finances, put a fucking pear up a partridge’s ass, packed and came down to Mexico to shoot a PF scene and 3 KM’s.
So here I am in Cabo, it is 80 degrees, all the work is done for the week and I am stuck inside the house with a blown out knee. That is what happens when you celebrate the last night of shooting and at 47 you go out dancing at clubs until 4AM and then eat street burgers and play cards with your husband and employees until 5AM. Oh this old gal is hurting. I just refuse to get old, so now I am paying for it. It isn’t that bad of a situation, I’m here in a beautiful 11,000 square foot penthouse apartment overlooking the ocean and Ryan is watching football and I’m on the couch getting caught up on emails, texting, and blogging. So, no complaints here, life is good as long as I have wine and Advil!
My sister is doing OK for now, she is improving slightly but not enough to come home. I don’t know where she will have to go next but I am ready and able to take care of her needs as soon as I return stateside. Her cancer is progressing at an alarming rate. Her large tumor was at 9mm in August and as of December 6, had grown to 43mm. This is my first experience with cancer so I still don’t know what that truly means as far as life expectancy but her immobility is far more concerning to me at this point. So I am taking this time in Cabo to reflect on my blessings and what I need to do for her these coming months.
I did a bunch of shooting while here so I will post all the updates soon. Until then, I wanted to share some super exciting news – I have been inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame! Here is a link to the press release:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Superstar Kelly Madison Selected to
2015 AVN Hall of Fame Class
Multi Award-Winning Performer/Director & Owner of
Kelly Madison Media Will Be Inducted on January 24
During AVN Awards in Las Vegas!
LOS ANGELES (January 5, 2014) – Kelly Madison, superstar adult performer/director and owner of Kelly Madison Media, has been selected for AVN’s 2015 Hall of Fame class. The official induction will take place on January 24 prior to the AVN Awards.
“It’s an amazing honor to become a member of the AVN Hall of Fame,” said Kelly Madison, who will be inducted into the Hall of Fame’s Video Branch. “It’s a reminder of the longevity I have been able to enjoy in a career I love so much.”
“Thank you so much to everyone who has made this possible – AVN’s staff and voters, all the wonderful people associated with Kelly Madison Media, our fans, and especially my amazing husband, Ryan!” added Kelly. “Besides being one of the top directors and performers in the industry, Ryan is my rock, so consider this the beginning of my campaigning for his Hall of Fame induction in 2016.”
For the full list of AVN Hall of Fame Inductees, click here.
“I am so thankful to AVN and our colleagues in the industry and the fans who have supported Kelly and made her a superstar in more ways than one,” said Kelly Madison Media co-owner Ryan Madison. “She wears many hats at Kelly Madison Media – performer, art director, producer, accountant, marketing whiz, and more – so I’m very pleased she is being recognized in such a major way for her accomplishments.”
As head of one of adult entertainment’s top known brands, Kelly Madison began her career as an adult model after leaving a successful career as a sales representative and vice president of a computer graphics firm. It was then she met Ryan Madison, a young graphic artist who she fell in love with. They quit their respective jobs and started KellyMadison.com, which earned Kelly the title of Best Female Web Star at the 2011 AVN Awards.
By capitalizing on her playful charm and business savvy, Kelly became one of the most financially successful independent web stars ever. The couple’s success caught the attention of DVD distributor Juicy, which signed the couple to a deal to produce all-new content for distribution on DVD and other platforms under their brand, Kelly Madison Media, and its PornFidelity label. The expansion of their visibility helped the couple become a hit with even more consumers, who loved Kelly’s bubbly personality, try-anything attitude, and incredible all natural 34FF chest – her trademark.
Since its inception 14 years ago, Kelly Madison Media has received scores of nominations and awards. This year alone, it has received 22 nominations for the 2015 AVN Awards, – including five nominations in Fan Awards categories. The independent, performer-owned company is nominated for Best Marketing Campaign – Company image – a first for Kelly Madison Media in a category mostly made up of industry’s biggest producers.
In selecting Kelly Madison, AVN said: “[Kelly] originally planned to be the talent coordinator for the [online] content, but after unreliable and undependable girls answered their ads, the couple agreed Kelly should be the model. Now, almost 15 years later, the company runs several websites and produces videos on a monthly basis.”
Voting for AVN’s Fan Awards is open through January 23 at http://avnawards.avn.com/voting/.
The AVN Awards will be held at The Joint at Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Las Vegas on January 24, 2015 as part of the Adult Entertainment Expo, scheduled for January 21 to 24.
About Kelly Madison Media:
With a library of titles dating back nearly 15 years, PornFidelity and Kelly Madison Media are synonymous with high quality adult entertainment featuring the biggest names in the industry. Under the leadership of superstar performers Kelly Madison and Ryan Madison, PornFidelity and TeenFidelity have been consistently among fans’ favorite studios featuring the real-life sexual adventures of Kelly and husband Ryan as they hook up with hot and horny young women. With her gorgeous face, Double-F breasts and up-for-anything attitude, Kelly and husband Ryan have created an empire that has continued to grow from a monthly release in the early days to today’s multiple lines of MILF, Teens, fetish and other themes to a great online presence that is updated every single week with brand new content. PornFidelity.com and related sites include content of over 2,000 episodes with over 1,000 models, showcasing every ethnicity, size, shape, age, breast size, and personality. Each episode has behind the scenes photos and video footage, shot in HD 1080p and all new episodes in 4K, and all downloadable as well as offered in a variety of sizes and formats. The sexy and eclectic sites they produce is a true representation of their oath to “love, honor, cherish and fuck hot girls together for as long as we both shall live.” For more information, visit http://www.PornfFdelity.com
About the AVN Awards:
The 32nd annual AVN Awards Show will be co-hosted by popular adult stars Alexis Texas and Tommy Pistol, both of whom won big at last year’s show. Texas garnered a Fan Award for Hottest Ass while Pistol was named Best Actor for his turn in BurningAngel’s “Evil Head.” In addition to entertaining banter from the hosts, the AVN Awards Show also features equal servings of live comedy, music, and dance numbers – along with a red carpet pre-show which draws the biggest adult stars dressed in eye-popping, sexy ensembles. The AVN Awards Show is the culmination of AVN Week – a series of events produced by AVN Media Network at Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Las Vegas – and begins with Internext, followed by the AVN Novelty Expo and the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo, and culminates with the AVN Awards Show. For more information about the 2015 AVN Awards, visit www.AVNAwards.com.
So with this holiday I’ve learned a few things. Things aren’t always controllable, I can’t be perfect no matter how good my intentions are, people don’t do what you think they will do, magic can still happen no matter how negative your outlook may be and nothing ever ever, ever turns out the exact way you imagine. And I have been surprised at how much better the outcome may be despite my intentions.
Today my sister Cheryl is in a rehab hospital. I’m hanging out locally today and driving out to Vegas early in the morning and visiting her tomorrow and Saturday. But today on Christmas I am with my dogs and my husband and his family feeling really grateful and happy. I’m wearing my Green Bay Packers footie pajamas, eating more cookies then should be physically possible to swallow.
Happy holidays to all and many blessings to you all!
So your devout, hard working, ever busy, member loving, “tackle the world”, family caretaker, adult performer and producer may be a little late in the game on this fan voting stuff but I would absolutely adore if you could spare the time and vote for us at AVN. We are also honored with several industry voted nominations, thank you so much AVN. I am so thrilled for our company to have so many noms in so many different categories this year. So if you could spare the time and vote for us daily, here is a link to an easy to use Nomination page. that Ryan put together which has a list all of our company nominations along with the fan voting further down.
I’m up for Best Boobs & Hottest Milf. I am rather particularly happy about the Best boobs one
Ryan is up for Favorite Male Porn Star & Kinkiest Performer, how frickin’ funny is that one?
Our company is up for Favorite Studio.
You can go to our easy to use page or go directly to AVN at Fan Voting.
I know it may seem odd that I am so happy and hopeful and full of gratitude at the same time I am going through the pain of acknowledging that I am losing my sister Cheryl but I truly am. I am so grateful for the all the kind and caring people and the compassion I have learned through this whole experience. My sister is a joyful and fun person and she loves to laugh, even when I can barely understand what she is saying sitting beside her hospital bed she brings a smile to my face. She cracks jokes, makes fun of the nurses, and I am going to miss that the most. 3 days ago she seemed to just be going downhill and then we found out she has a blood clot in her leg so I prepared a meeting with a hospice facility yesterday. But then when I saw my sister upon my arrival to Vegas yesterday afternoon she was speaking clearly, holding a conversation, participating in her occupational therapy, doing her respiratory therapy and I think “showing off” for me. Now hospice is on hold and I want to figure out the best care possible and the right treatment and environment that is best for her in this precarious time. She cried a few tears when I told her it was Thanksgiving the next day and she wasn’t well enough for me to transport her home as I had originally planned and it broke my heart to see her disappointment but Ryan is flying in today, my niece drove in late last night from San Diego and we all taking turns spending the day with her. My eldest sister Judi is having Thanksgiving at her house so we are taking food to Cheryl and I might even sneak in some wine. Hey, it’s a holiday.
So sorry to be a Debbie Downer on this beautiful holiday but I am really OK. I feel centered and I know what I am supposed to be doing and I am learning more how to be the person I have always aspired to be. I am thankful for all the members of my sites who continue to show loyalty and respect even in a world of stolen free porn, I am thankful for all the kind individuals in this industry, and to my friends, employees, and family who have all helped me out this year and enabled me to be there so much for my sister. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I’m off to the hospital and then the airport and then to my sister Judi’s house and then back to the hospital. May your travels today wherever you spend your holiday be safe and remember to tell everyone you love today how you feel. You never know how long you are going to have them in your life.
11 Nominations for Kelly Madison Media. What an honor and such a pleasant thing to wake up to this beautiful morning. So nice to see so many of our friends nominated as well. Congrats to everyone and again, a sincere thanks and love shout out to Xbiz.